So I didn’t go home this Diwali. But when I do go home these days, I feel sort of disconnected from my family. Everything is so much changed. Everything is done to please me, as if I am a guest. The first two days are spent realigning myself with the lifestyle I had about 3 yrs ago as I myself am not able to come to terms that my life in this house is as good as over. I will be outside this home from now on, roaming around all the big cities in India & abroad, because of the career I have chosen for myself. This is the reality & I guess the sooner I come to terms with it, the better it will be for me. But my heart doesn’t seem to understand. Wherever I go, wherever I stay, I feel it is but temporary. There are some imaginary strings or bonds which extend right from Mumbai to Vizag which remind me that I actually belong there & not here.
But the most disturbing development is that now I have my own money that is not a part of the family money. To understand this you will have to understand how our family regarded money. In our home we used to always have this concept where all the money was everyone’s. We were never given any pocket money. As we grew to about 10 yrs of age, we were free to use the money stored in the almirah whenever there was any need. But we had to give complete information on all the money we spent later. Somehow given all this freedom to use the money, we never spent foolishly. We were always careful with the money we spent. After all this was our money too. When I started earning in a sort of a part time job there, I never thought of the money I earned to be something of my own. The thought process went like this – The only use of the money will be when it will be spent. If I have found something important or valid to spend on, I will anyway get the money to spend from the collective money. If something I wanted to spend money on was later proven to be not valid, even I myself would not like to spend money on it. Almost all our non regular spending was done by mutual consensus as a family. Sometimes we even stopped Papa from purchasing something’s when we thought that it was a waste of money.
So now I am earning money in Mumbai & I don’t know where it is valid & where it is not valid to spend it. I have been asked not to send money & to find my own ways of spending & investing if the need be. I am on my own now. I know that with the training I’ve got, I am not going to spend it foolishly, but what disturbs me is that now since I’ve started earning, I seem to be not anymore a part of my family. I know Dad that you do not need my money, but I don’t understand how this money is mine, and how all the money you earned was ours.
I guess staying away for so many years does take its toll.
9 comments:
#moron
what can i say? you seem to have poured all the feelings in your heart on your blog man. keep writing more.
Hi Ravi,
Nice post.. I have gone through this..
I understand you,I think you are going through the phase where you begin to be financially independent in ur own,away from ur family....
I remember when first salary came in my hands... I felt like.. I could do everything I wanted to do with this money,for my family for my younger sis/bro dad/mom..my loved once...
When dad - says Its ur money.. u do whatever u want to do..I didn't expect this.. as we were part of the same family...We always used DAD's money will all the RIGHTS :)
Now My money is saparate from Dad's money... :)
Your post made me think... buddy !I think being a guy and girl this MY MONEY and OUR money has different Treatment..leads to a new post :)
How true. And this happens mainly when you stay outside and have to spend for yourself. When I was working from home for 3 years, I never spent money for myself and neither did I invest. Even my clothes were bought with our (Dad's) money. Now everything looks so different. I am on my own.
The happiness of living together is anyday better than the loneliness of having things for oneself.
Deja vu! Dude, i surly am gonna feel this way when i get back home after such a lnog span. Shall blog about it. U did touch the live wire of feelings for home.
#moron
Man you should consider changing the name. I don't like calling anyone that. And don't worry about etiquettes as long as you are sensitive to others feelings.
I will keep checking your space.
#Mani
You have aroused my curiosity. I'm waiting for that post.
#jammy
Yes there would be no such problem had I been living with my parents. But I think these are my learning days. And yes the lonely feeling is sometimes so overpowering, you don't know what to do about it.
#rinku
I know I need to learn. But these lessons are so damn painful you know.
#dinesh
Thanks! I guess this would be true for many of us working out of our parents home.
#humjoli
//but you need to understand one thing Ravi, that is what your father wants is to make yourself self dependent.
My mind understands completely. par is dil ka kya karen jo kambakht samajhta hi nahi?
//You can better make your family members happy (and yourself too) by spending on their needs or gifts.
I'm on it. :)
//Everything is done to please me, as if I am a guest
Oh well I dont agree, when you are away from home for long and then are going back, of course your folks and everyone around would want to pamper you..they would want to do as you please..only because you have been away for long..all by yourself...struggling..earning..etc..and when you are back for a vaction or something..thats their bit they can do for you...so don't take it in the wrong sense...
//but I don’t understand how this money is mine, and how all the money you earned was ours
your dad just wants you to be independent and smart enough to make your own sensible decisions...its the trust he has in you...he believes in you that you wont do wrong..and he is training you that soon it will be time for you to start your own family and take care of them..
P.S. I didnt mean to offend you in any way. I totally agree and relate to your post....It happens in my family too...but what I stated is simply looking at the happenings in a positive light...
#parth anand
Yes I know the reasons why they do it. But all the same I don't like that feeling - the feeling of detachment that is slowly creeping in.
//P.S. I didnt mean to offend you in any way.
Are you kidding? How could anything you've said have offended me?
I know what you mean by that feeling of 'detachment'. Experiencing that independence doesn't always fill us with pride and happiness. But all of us (the family) are still "us"...infact, we will always be looked at as "kids"...we never really "grow up" in front of our parents' eyes in a lot of ways, but still they acknowledge that we are adults now, very soon making our own families. The point when we becomes financially independent, marks a turning point in thoughts I think. We are officially 'on our own' now. Or it is perceived that way. They feel sad too (I think they feel that sense of "detachment" as well), but they are also proud for us. They can never feel we are "separate" from them, unless, we make them FEEL like we are any different, if you know what I mean. I guess, it's all a part of growing up and becoming independent, and a balance of the right feelings will make it more comfortable. Just my thoughts.
#harshi
Welcome to my blog. That was one nice comment. You expressed the reality very appropriately - a very mature though process. I fully agree on all points.
The family is still one - part of "us". They also feel sad of that datachment yet they are proud of us. And how cruel would I be if I make them FEEL they are different - I dread even at the thought of it.
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