What is love to me?

Music: Jal - Ik Din Ayega, Jal - Bikhra Hoon Main, Strings - Na Jaane Kyon

I am a very lucky person. I am loved.

Mummy: Mothers.......I don't know what makes them so caring, so forgiving of our mistakes, so much devoted to making us happy.... I simply cannot figure this thing out. Being the male of the species, I guess I will never be able to. Can anyone ever love me as much as this woman? Everything she does, everytime she talks, everytime she looks at me, everytime she calls me "ganda baccha", the love shows....rather it overflows. It seems like all the love in the world has been filled in her small frame of 5'3".

Papa: In total contrast to Mummy, Papa rarely shows what he feels inside. As cool as he can be, it may look like he doesn't care about me. His love is a more reserved one. It is locked up somewhere deep inside when he is talking to me. But just listen him talk to any of his friends about me - the pride!! Whatever little or more I've achieved in life, Papa is proud of it. His love also manifests in the form of things he does for me. These are things that any father would do, wouldn't he? Aren't these the duty of parents? To raise their kids & make them able. Yes...& on the face of it, even he believes he does them as a duty. But no.....that is not what drives those actions. These are not mechanical actions. Anything he does for me looks like something motivated by a force much stronger - an emotion. So why does he not show the love directly? Whatever it is, I will find out when I am a father.

Sis: Oh this girl. I can't start writing about her.

Stage 1 - Oh Mummy has a baby. I have a new play thing.

Stage 2 - The great battles are on. From the chocolate to the TV remote. We are fighting it out for everything.

Stage 3 - Sis: "My brother is the best" Me: "Uhh!"

Stage 4 - Sis: "My brother is the best" Me: "OK, She really does love me"

Stage 5 - Sis: "My brother is the best" Me: "Hey, Say something else"

I could never judge the level of love this girl has for me. I never experienced the full throttled show of emotion from her. Her actions are always subdued, knowing that I may get annoyed if she shows her total love. But the question here is - What is the root of all this love? It is understandable about my parents (God has created them like that, so that they take care of me), but why my Sis? Its not as if I have been a little less relentless during the battle years, neither have I gone ahead to show my love anytime I felt like it. What have I done to deserve this love?....... nothing.....maybe thats the key......isn't it?.....isn't that unconditional love......maybe I'm being too idelistic about all this.....maybe not.

Myself: A phrase that could most aptly describe the kind of person I feel I am - "Emotionally subdued". I love less, I hate less, I fear less, I like less - it is as if all my emotions are weak & feeble. Do I love my family? I think I do. Do I know for sure it is love that I feel for them? I'm not sure.

So what do I feel when I experience all this love that I am being showered with. I feel I am a bad person.....the guilty feeling of not being able to reciprocate their love envelops me. And there is nothing I can do about it. Because how much ever I try, my pathetic attempts can never match the grand, large hearted unconditional love I recieve....

And what about the question we began with....What is love to me?

The answer to this question remains unanswered....