Discovering Myself

Bollywood Hollywood

2007-05-08T01:51:00.000-07:00

For years, Bollywood’s who’s who of the likes of Ashutosh Gowarikar, Aamir Khan (Lagaan), Sanjay Bhansali (Black), Rakeysh Mehra (Rang De Basanti) and Karan Johar (KANK) have been trying to reach out to a larger audience (in short, vying for Oscars) with movies filled with gripping drama and intense emotions. These are just the class acts. We are not even mentioning tired attempts like “Mistress of Spices”. These Bollywood biggies were adopting the typical Bollywood strategy. They were trying to cry the audience to submission. But the American audience refused to be moved as they became wary and bolstered their emotional defenses on the very mention of Bollywood. However even this audience hadn’t seen this coming - Who in his/her wildest of dreams would have thought that Bollywood would have its victory while this audience was looking for clean hardcore old fashioned typical American superhero fun?

Cry, you insensitive Americans, cry.

Long Silence

2007-05-08T00:03:00.000-07:00

I know its been way too long since I last updated. I guess no one would be even following this blog now. I've been thinking of restarting things around here. To keep things regular, I've decided to change the basic orientation of this blog. From now on this blog will not be strictly personal. Let us just leave it at that and leave me with a broad range of options to post on.

Lage Raho Munnabhai: Not a review

2006-09-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

I watched Lage Raho Munnabhai last saturday. Now we see that this movie had a huge baggage on two counts

1. The reputation of Munnabhai MBBS
2. The reputation this movie itself had developed with everyone who'd seen it.

So I was going with quite lofty expectations. The movie was scheduled at 2:30 pm. We reached the mall quite early by 1:30 pm. For lunch, we had this amazing hybrid of Dosa and Russian Salad - Salad Dosa Roast or something. There still was a lot of time left. The mall didnt have much to offer. I was roaming around desperately searching for something to do. I found a LAN games parlour. People were playing on computers connected to a network. I got in and saw the kind of games they play these days. Needless to say I was impressed. They were playing some sort of adventure game. The setting is of a busy city and the objective is to reach a predefined point. You go about it using any means possible. You can choose to run. Or you can use any car provided its not locked (yes I mean stealing). You can kick the passing biker and 'borrow' his bike. In fact you can do almost anything. I was watching as one player was driving a car and was being closely pursued by the police. He crashed his car and gets out. The police officer too gets out and is about to arrest him. Amazingly and to my utter amusement, our hero actually kicks the police officer and now 'borrows' the police car instead. There is such beauty in violence!

Before I knew it, it was time for the movie and I had forgotten everything about the baggage it carried. I felt relieved - now it was just the movie - no unnecessary baggage. The movie began with the usual light hearted easy going atmosphere that is reminiscent of Munnabhai MBBS. You may not laugh out loud at each and every other joke. But there is always a smile. The innocence around could'nt be disturbed even by the villainous seeming Lucky Singh (Boman Irani). As everyone seems to be saying, the movie does give a lot to think about without being preachy. But there is a disconnect here. While my heart is going all gaga over how the movie made me feel, my mind points out how the director has exploited some pre-existing thoughts in me to make me like what I see. I like it because I relate to the film and not because it is something exceptional, or some great masterpiece crafted with immense dedication and care. It is rather a simple story of a few people trapped in this dog eat dog world who discover the master solution to all their problems.

As I mule over it again, I get doubts of whether there really is any disconnect. Isnt identifying what I would relate to itself a masterpiece in itself? What are works of art really? Someone creates a piece as an expression of his/her inner feelings. People look/hear/feel/read the piece of art and are able to appreciate those inner feelings. The piece makes them feel certain emotions that may or may not be intended by the artist. What, however is most important is that the people relate to the art in some way or the other. People dont like art per se. People like how that art makes them feel.

In that sense Lage Raho Munnabhai is a grand success. The comedy is not exceptional, the story isnt that great, but somehow the whole package seems to have a sense of completeness in it. I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I hate, I get frustrated, I feel hurt, I ponder, I like and I love. The movie brings each of these feelings out. In the end you are filled with an deep sense of satisfaction and also a feeling of love towards everyone and everything. If there was one word I would need to describe that emotion, it would be "peace".

In the rush while coming out of the hall, a guy stamped my foot. Normally I would get at least a bit annoyed and would look at him with anger. But not that day. Nevertheless he was profuse in his apologies. I actually felt the love for him, gave him a smile and told him not to bother.

Thank you for filling me with positive thoughts at least on that day.

Peace is not glamorous. But I can't help loving it.

Strings

2006-09-15T03:02:00.000-07:00

What appeals in any song or piece of music? A piece of music has its ups and
downs. This change is essential in any song. A good piece of music is one where
the highs are really appealing, while the lows are not too tiresome. The trick
is to have a good balance of those highs and lows. During the lows, the listener
starts longing for the highs, but the highs don’t come about just then. The low
period continues until the longing is almost unbearable. This is just that right
time to give the listener that high he/she covets to get the desired affect of
pure unbridled pleasure. If the low period is too small in a song, not enough
time is given to build up the longing to its crescendo. Having a very long
period of just building up craving might bore the listener. Different people
have different thresholds for bearing the low period. So it is tough to get that
right mix of highs and lows and that is why balance is important.

This was what I thought for a long time until I heard the music of Strings. Their music has this strange property of captivating me throughout the song. I can mentally take notes of the highs and lows. But my heart seems to like both the highs and lows. ‘The longing’ I so thoroughly described earlier is not during the song, but during the time I am not plugged into the song. When I am listening the song, it’s a high like no other.

A brief introduction is due. This was a band quite popular in Pakistan back about 14 years ago. A particular track “Sar Kiye ye Pahar” was quite famous even outside Pakistan. They were four members then. After completing two albums, Strings and Strings 2, the band disintegrated. I don’t know much of what happened between then and now except that they got married and had kids. Suddenly after an absence of 10 yrs they come back with this new album Duur. It must be the accumulation of their creative juices over the dry years or simply their pure luck, but the music was, to say in modest terms, awesome. After this was an equally popular album, Dhaani. Now I am waiting for heir next release. Meanwhile they’ve done some other songs here and there and some collaborative albums in between.

I’ve seen Strings live in one of the concerts they did in Lucknow. Not only is their music great but I think they are extremely well balanced and intelligent people. I think they’ve learned a lot from the years in hibernation. I was impressed by the maturity and the ability to relate to realms outside music. They talked about Indo-Pak relations and what they thought about it in their own small way. It was genuine and not once did I ever feel it was made up. It was good to know that there was more personality to them than just the music.

The first I ever heard of them was Duur. The soul stirring music of this song is characterized mostly by the way the guitar is handled. Never had any Indian or Pakistani music had ever used the guitar strings so centrally and yet so famously. The song and the album was an instant hit. Their next album Dhaani too was a major hit. Very rarely do we come across albums in which each song has something about it to cherish for.

So why suddenly after having followed them for so long do I feel the need to write about them only now? I listen to my mp3 player everyday in my travel to office, and for a long time now I am not able to find deliverance from these songs of Strings. I am in serious need of help.

Mera Bichra Yaar (Dhaani)
This is not the song for everyone. And it is definitely not the song you will be blown away by, the first time you hear it. But give it time and it grows onto you. It embraces you slowly but with such strong resolve that you cannot possibly turn away. Needless to say, I’m hooked.

Kahani Mohabbat Ki (Dhaani)
The story of love is conveyed beautifully using the most simplest of lyrics. This song refreshes you. The flute, the guitar, the words, the voice of Faisal, the whole composition inspires me to make new beginnings. I don’t know if others listening to the get inspired considering the sad setting it is intended to be in.

Na Jaaney (Dhaani)
This is that song which was selected for the soundtrack of Spiderman 2. Again the setting is sort of sad. I can’t put my finger on what I like in the song. Or rather I would say that this medium of my expression (writing) or any medium of expression for that matter, doesn’t quite convey it. Maybe someone else can but I can’t. Enough said. Go listen to the song and find out yourself.

By the way, their songs are available on their official website.

My other song recommendations for the month:

1. Kya Mujhe Pyar Hai (Movie: Woh Lamhe, Singer: KK)
2. Chal Chale (Movie: Woh Lamhe, Singer: James)
3. Tere Bin (Movie: Bas Ek Pal, Artiste: Atif Aslam (Jal))
4. Bas Ek Pal (Movie: Bas Ek Pal, Singer: KK)

Matheran

2006-09-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

This post was long overdue. This is an account of a trip to Matheran some time ago.

The Matheran Trek was really hectic. We trekked, got repeatedly drenched, visited multiple “spots” (viewpoints of interest typically included in any organised tour), took many photos and in short had a blast.

In the process we did something which we hadn’t done since a long time – we got really tired. I don’t mean the getting tired from spending long hours on computer either playing games, seeing random movies, reading or typing random stuff. Nor do I mean getting tired by staying late in the night watching TV. I mean many times the kind of tired that I felt when I used to play tennis on late nights in the chill of winter in Lucknow. I mean real hardcore physical strain. I don’t mean the exhaustion of playing cricket in the sun. I mean the kind of tiredness where its not your throat or lungs that give up. It is the kind of exhaustion in which it is the actual moving parts of the body that start groaning, begging you to stop. But you cannot possibly do that. You simply have to move on to see the next “spot” here in Matheran.

When we say “spot”, being such a small word, it gives us an impression of an insignificant little crammed space from where there is some rare view and all tourists in the hill-station would have crowded it with no space to spare. In Matheran, you could not be more wrong. I don’t know how people compare different hill-stations but to me being devoid of things like busy crowds, crammed spaces and everything that a city represents is becoming the sole criteria. Every hill-station will have its share of beautiful spots and so called points to visit. But to me the beauty lies in exploring all that yourself. You don’t need some nagging guide showing you around specific places to see, predefined routes to follow in a well packaged tour. You need freedom and the sense of adventure of being independent in a hill station, discovering new locations all by yourself, and thereby sinking in the full throttled sense of achievement of having discovered a place of beauty. Now if there are hundred other people sharing that same crammed place, that sense of achievement dies even before taking birth. And herein lies the beauty of Matheran. Yes, it does have its share of “spots” or specific points to be seen. But firstly they are not crowded. You would occasionally see a family or two sharing a “spot” with you but you would mostly be alone. Secondly in addition to the regulars there are hundreds other places just waiting for you to explore and are rich with wild natural unexplored beauty.

Sample this. The hill doesn’t rise at a regular 45 degree angle. Mostly there is a steep cliff on its sides. So if you dare to venture into the edges of the hill, it is very likely that you’d catch the breathtaking view of deep valley below and the opposite hill rising with a matching grandeur and steepness of the hill you yourself are on. As we visited the place during the monsoon, we had the fortune of seeing hundreds of these waterfalls all along the route and also on these opposite hills. And that’s just what is near. You could see far and wide the enormous expanse of nature through your vantage point. And Images/photos just don’t give it. You simply have to be there to experience it.

There is so much dynamism all around in spite of the peaceful environs. Being at a high altitude, the clouds were all around us. The windy weather was moving these clouds at will all around the place. It wasn’t raining all the time, but sometimes it would we would be showered with a sudden splatter of water droplets and we’d not know where it had come from. Actually as a cloud passing through us, it would condense spontaneously and we would be showered with a mix of cloud and water droplets. So it was rain in its most pure form which had just condensed. Reaching out and standing on the edges of dangerous cliffs was a thrill in itself. Now imagine a situation. Your eyes are closed. When you open your eyes and see ahead of you, there is a vast expanse of space. Somewhere far ahead you there must be land but you cannot see it as it is blocked by clouds. You turn your head towards the right or left. Again, nothing to be seen but the clouds. You look above to see the sky above to find more clouds. Finally you look down – again only clouds to be seen in all distant space. The whiteness engulfs you. And yet you know that there is nothing but empty space all around you. Could you imagine that? That is what its like to be standing on a cliff. Its really enchanting.

I have vowed to have more of such trips from now on. The next on the agenda are Daman and probably Mahabaleshwar.

Mind Games

2006-08-19T01:47:00.000-07:00

Bus journeys to and from office in the company bus are one very good way of catching some well deserved sleep. The journey to office is like a continuation of morning sleep but for the short break of morning formalities. In the evenings after a hard day of not working (believe me it is really tiring), sleep is but natural. So I save about 2 hrs of sleep.

But once I get into this sleepy state, the subconscious mind takes over, and I am out of tune with the mundane day to day reality. All this means that I tend to forget things when alighting the bus. This habit of sleeping has cost me dearly - a lost mobile, two lost umbrellas, many incidents of books/documents left behind. So I was very skeptical one day while putting my umbrella on the top luggage compartment. There was no place for the wet umbrella down with me, so I had no choice but to put it up there. As I was wary of loosing it, I thought I'd remind myself about the umbrella before alighting. So I created an alarm to that affect in my mobile. The alarm was set to the approx time I would probably alight on.

“I can safely forget about the umbrella now”, I thought. But now I faced a new problem. Neither could I sleep, not get the damned umbrella out of my head. I tried listening to music. I tried reading. But all my efforts were useless. Actually by putting in conscious effort to create the alarm, I had hardwired the thought of the umbrella in my mind. So the harder I tried, the harder it was for me to forget about it.

Now I started thinking of more advanced ways of forgetting. Since it was my conscious effort to forget that was making it hard to forget, I thought I will now try the reverse logic and try to focus on remembering and not on forgetting. But somehow the subconscious mind got wind of this well thought out plan. I realized that you couldn’t hide something from your own self (can we?).

Finally I got bored of these games. A genuine drowsy feeling took over. I guess by now I didn’t care enough about remembering or forgetting. And that is when it happened. By the time I was nearing my stop, the alarm actually startled me. I had forgotten.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. The subconscious does behave in mysterious ways. Its is completely incomprehensible to the logical left brain. Sometimes it can be like a stubborn little mischievous kid who is hell bent on defying you while other times it just doesn’t bother what you do. While mostly I don’t know the existence of my subconscious, but on the rare occasions that it makes its appearance, it sometimes scares me with its potential and sheer dominating power.

Blogging Style

2006-07-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.
You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.
You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!
A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

I must say this seems to be very much true, though I'm not sure about the first line of me being well liked and underrated.

Decisions Decisions

2006-07-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

Why does it take me ages to finally pick an option? Why is the decision postponed to the last possible moment? Why is there a need for endless deliberation to decide inconsequential things? Why after so much deliberation does my decision not seem right?

I have to come out of this cycle. I have to stop analysing things over and over again. I have to stop looking at all possible angles. I wish I could see just black and white and not the multi-coloured multi dimensional model that I see when I have to decide. I want to be sure for once in my life.

Golmaal and Corporate

2006-07-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

I saw two movies this weekend – Golmaal and Corporate.

These are not exactly reviews but just some of my thoughts.

Golmaal - Golmaal was your typical laugh riot hindi movie of the genre of No Entry, Phir Hera Pheri etc. Nothing special or endearing in it and it is true to what it is – a light hearted comedy to be watched once and to be forgotten. Making sense of the script is not called for. It will not make sense, and trying to do so will spoil all the fun. So it is better that I do not analyse the subtleties of the movie and just give my recommendation – watch it once.

Corporate – This is a movie by Madhur Bhandarkar, the same director who gave us the brilliantly sensitive Chandni Bar and the critically acclaimed Page 3.

Chandni Bar was a story of one girl through her eyes about the kind of people she met and how they influenced her life. It was supremely sincere as being just her account of happenings of her life, nothing else. There were few generalisations and the film was more emotional and sensitive than judgemental.

Page 3 was a film carrying forward the theme of a young female protagonist observing the world around her. But this time it was not just the story of her life. It was more a story of the realm she moved around in – the Page 3, the affluent upper class. It was a story of parties, of drugs, of the hypocrisy hiding behind the façade of beautiful faces and seemingly kind hearts. It was a story that made you think about the sad lives of the rich and the powerful. One wondered if it’s really worth becoming richer if that meant moving around in social circles where every smile hides a deep rooted contempt and every act of kindness hides some ulterior motive. The story eventually got perceived as an original among the various genres of comedy, love and action movies in popular Hindi cinema.

Warning: Though I'm not disclosing complete details here, it is advisable to not read further if there are plans of seeing Corporate in the future

With Corporate, Madhur Bhandarkar has continued his tried and tested formula once again. The lead character once again is a girl named Nishi stuck in a new atmosphere. It’s now the big bad corporate world. The competition is intense. Competitors do just about anything to get even a tiny bit of advantage. Nishi is not new to this world and knows all the tricks of the trade. She breaks just about every rule in the book to bring down their biggest rival. But somewhere in between when her boss decides to go all out in the war, she finally sees how this could adversely affect innocent people who are not part of the war. That is the turning point and the beginning of her downfall. Like Page 3, this movie tries to make us think. In the process, the movie does become judgemental. It gives a highly clichéd view of the corporate world. Every businessman is out to make profits without concern for anything else. The dirtier you get, the bigger you grow. Every government employee and politician can be bribed, either through money or/and through sex. It’s a stifling sick world where everyone is selfish, deceitful and money minded.

The movie is well made though. Barring a few exceptions, the story comes out to be quite believable as could happen in any corporate setting. I laughed at the amateurish attempts of recreating board room discussions and the way deals were actually finalised. The most hilarious was the way confidential information was stolen from a high powered executive’s laptop. A movie of this nature of the corporate world of which not enough is known outside it calls for a thorough research. The lack of the same was painfully apparent in some places. But for a hindi movie, I think Madhur has done a commendable job of recreating actual business wars.

Frankly I’ve had enough of the Madhur Bhandarkar formula. While one must appreciate the uniqueness of his plots, one realises that in the end they are all the same. A small change of setting, an innocent seeming female lead, an unnecessarily brutal and one sided portrayal of the outside world and you have a new critically acclaimed flick. What does one take away from the movie anyway? A false sense of smugness that one doesn’t belong to the corporate world or a determination to suddenly clean up all the mess that the corporate world is in? I wonder…

Tummy Troubles

2006-07-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

The past three or four days have been like a roller coaster ride for me. I was suffering from diarrhoea. Now I’ve had my share of loose motions before. My stomach is relatively strong and was easily able to come out of them. There is this medication called Entero Quinol that was very affective. One or two of these were more than enough to get back in shape. But this time I was facing something new. I have not come across such a brutal attack in my entire conscious life. This thing just refused to go away. So much so that on the first day I had to take as many as 7 tablets.

The roller coaster began after this. I was never really sure if it was over. The thing about such diseases is that if you decide to take a leave, you always get this guilty feeling if you are not sick enough. But if you decide to go, there is always this high strung tension on your mind. You never know what could happen. After all with the heavy rains, travel times become notoriously long and the probability of you being in an uncomfortable spot increases that much more. Anyway I decided that it is best to not to go and I was duly supported by the forces of nature.

As I realised that I was encountering a new potent form of the disease, I decided that a simple use of medication wouldn’t help. I needed to change my diet to really get well. Now a new trouble began. I thought I am not really knowledgeable enough in such matters and decided to stay away from cooked food on the first day. I ate bananas and papaya. I next day when I was talking to my neighbours, say N1 about the illness, they said that Papaya was an absolute no go. “It is a warm fruit. It heats the system”. They were also not too sure of the bananas. I panicked and sought their highly informed advice. “malai burfi” (a sweet derived from milk) was the first word that came out. I was surprised. After all this would be one of the toughest things to digest. I was reassured that my apprehensions were uncalled for and malai burfi indeed would bring quick relief. My interest was aroused. I asked for more dietary advice. Cake, bread, oranges, curd etc. were among the few things suggested. “Great! So my diet will not be so uninteresting like the papayas after all”, I thought.

I managed to survive one more day. Now was the turn of another neighbour, say N2 to give advice. I asked him about the bananas as there were still some left and I was not too sure whether I should go ahead and eat them or not. “Bananas cause constipation which is the opposite of what you have. So go ahead.” OK. Fair enough. N1 was not too sure about bananas anyway. So I finished the bananas in breakfast. Soon after I was talking to a close friend, A. “Don’t eat bananas, but papayas are good.” I enquired about the curd. “I guess it should be ok to eat curd, but there is something about curd that I am not able to recall right now. Why take the risk? I suggest you avoid it as of now.” Later that day another friend, B gave this piece of advice, “All milk products should be avoided and that includes curd too”. So if we consolidate the different nuggets of advice I got from all sources, I should and should not eat papaya, I should and should not eat banana, I should and should not eat curd, I should eat malai burfi, cake and bread. Earlier I was just sick. Now I was sick and confused.

I had all of the above food items (yes, even the dangerous seeming malai burfi) and have not found enough reason to either support or negate the claims made by any of the advice givers. So when it comes to the stomach, everyone has an opinion. And it necessarily is not the same. I suspect everyone forms an opinion based on his/her own experiences. I guess everybody has a unique tummy, like a fingerprint, and it behaves in its own unique fashion. Of course it will also depend on the kind of food one has been having through his/her life. One should take advice but it is also helpful to experiment a bit to know what is suitable an what is not. I know this is but common sense but because I didnt face a major fiasco with my tummy till now, I was a bit complacent. I wont be now.

A Personal Decision

2006-06-20T01:43:00.000-07:00

I was consciously staying away from the reservation debate at least on this blog. In case you haven’t noticed yet, this blog is strictly a personal one dealing with my experiences in life and how I learn from them. The reservations mess that the Indian Government has brought onto itself and my take on it probably doesn’t quite fit in the scheme of things here.

But today I seem to have found a way to fit this thing in this blog. Some specific news items- one is of the Muslim groups demanding their fair share representation in the number of seats, the second one is of Meira Kumar giving details of proposed increased quotas for SC to reflect the increase of their population percentage. I also came to know the people of Buddhist religion are officially recognised as SC. It is also widely known that one can easily obtain false caste certificates if you oil the right hands. Mr. Ram Vilas Paswan is now proposing earmarking as much as 22.5% of the annual budget for Scheduled Castes. Wow! The sheer intelligence of our leaders amazes me. Anyways I do not wish to rant here about the twisted logic of this proposal.

The point I wish to make here is that given my own feelings for all things religious, I can easily convert to a more comfortable religion. So how is the govt going to stop me from getting reservation? Also for people who probably are more particular about being Hindu, they could easily obtain false (oops the certificates are actually genuine in the sense that they are duly signed by the actual issuing authority, so the govt cannot possibly call them as false) caste certificates. So if we leave aside the so called noble intentions of the govt and purely look the impact or try to know about the actual population benefiting by the move, we’ll see that they constitute those who actually are traditionally from so called backward castes, those who convert to Muslim or Buddhism and those who conveniently obtain false caste certificates from touts attached to various corrupt offices. The govt is conveniently forgetting about the huge number of poor people from all castes who are struggling for food and probably don’t even think about education. After all what possible vote bank could they represent?

Given that this reservation policy has almost unanimous support among the politicians, (who would want to dare challenge the united voting might of the backward castes?) there is no way this bill can be stopped. So it is now time for me to take a stand. What am I going to do once this bill is passed? Am I going to get fed up of all this, quit and emigrate to another country that is not governed by the age old divide and rule policy? Am I going to stay back and face the rigours of increasingly reducing portion of seats and jobs that will be left for me and my children to compete for? Am I going to stand up for my principles and not get a false caste certificate? Am I going to stand up for whatever feeble religious beliefs I have and not convert? Only time will tell. But time too is running out. Sooner or later the loophole of changing religion and the one of false caste certificates ought to be discovered. Some fix will definitely follow. Maybe I need to act fast. Hmm lets see…..

The grand old railways website

2006-05-22T05:07:00.000-07:00

I regularly visit the Indian railways site http://www.indianrail.gov.in/ to schedule journeys, track waitlisted tickets and do other trains related stuff. There was a time when visiting this site had sort of become my hobby. It started with ‘Trains at a glance’, a book that contains train schedules of all the major trains. As a kid, I used to follow the book keenly trying to create perfect travel plans for the next family vacation. I can’t explain why I liked this; I simply did. That was the time when the site was manageable because of its decent response time & because it didn’t have any ads. My memory is bad, but I guess this was not more than four years ago.

But then the “massacre” started. No, there is no other word to describe the pounding that the huge number of ads gave you when you dared to visit the website. I guess popup blockers were not very popular then. At least I didn’t know of them. I was forced to give up on my hobby. Soon I lost interest and just let it be.

There of course used to be times when I urgently needed to get information, and visiting the website was the only option. And boy, did I dread those times? There was a thorough ritual to be followed before opening the website. I would close all programs, windows etc. that I was working on. I used to open a single browser window that would innocently occupy one corner in my taskbar. No sooner had I entered the address followed by the enter key, the whole place would go ballistic. One after one, the popups would crowd the desktop. The taskbar would have around ten to twenty different buttons with just one of any importance to me. The game would then start. Would the popups appear faster or would I be able to close them faster? My experience in FPS games like Quake and Unreal definitely came handy here. Unfortunately there was a new problem now. If I closed all the popup windows, the parent website, would refuse to process any of my requests. I don’t know how they managed that, but I would get a timeout response if all the popups were mercilessly killed. Soon I learnt how to manage with one or two popups open.

But now I have got good news to share. And nothing could be better. Yesterday I was trying to sneak my way inside without causing the commotion that is usually associated with visiting the website. And the most pleasant thing happened. I did not encounter any popups. Zilch, zero, null, naught, nil, absolutely none! And I was not even using Firefox. Now that is a rare something good happening in this unfortunate atmosphere of reservations, crashing stock markets, and general gloominess.

Gadget Frenzy

2006-05-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a while ago. At that time I didnt think it was worth blogging. But now I am posting it anyway.

BN quietly remarked one day, “The net asset value of our house has suddenly increased in the past one week”. He was referring to the number of electronic gadgets that have entered our house within a few days.

It all began when our very own AK lost his ancient Nokia. Before the incident, he had been visiting mobile shops regularly but was hesitating in actually buying a phone. Ostensibly he was doing some “research” or so he wanted us to believe. Anyway, it must be a case of split personalities or of the subconscious taking over control, but just when I thought he had stopped his research and was calling off the mobile purchase, he lost his mobile. How else can you justify that a guy having able to maintain the same mobile for over 4 years, suddenly looses it just after contemplating a new mobile? Nevertheless, it didn’t take him long to buy his new one once the old one was gone. In a matter of hours this new baby was comfortable cuddled in his palms. An outcome of what ought to be Samsung’s efforts in response to the Moto RAZR, this phone features a 1.3 MP camera, a media player with mp3 & video playback, expandable memory, bluetooth and I could go on with this mobile’s unending feature list. All this is done in an enviable form factor with Samsungs now legendary slider function. You can connect it to a TV and watch videos, photos or even open ppt, doc, or pdf files as this phone can open many of the present day document types.

Then there was this Sony mp3 player that I got. This biggest feature going for it is its amazing battery life. The Lithium Ion battery takes about 3 hrs to charge and is rated to last around 50 hrs of playback. I found this claim reasonably close as I get around 42 to 46 hrs of playback time depending on what “power save” setting I put it on. The next best part of the player is the of course the looks and the really cool display. Unlike in other players and electronic gadgets there is no clear demarcation of the display area. The player just has this metallic shining exterior. But when you switch it on, a delicious looking aquamarine OLED display comes on right in the middle of its shining metallic exterior, something you least expect. Then there are the very innovative controls- something that you’ll either love or hate because they are so unique. Fortunately for me, I like them, and by now have sort of internalised them.

We also have my new camera, the Olympus SP 320. There is not much to say about this one but a short summary would include 7 MP, image stabilization, good low light performance, small design, large 2.5” display, and most of all a host of manual controls that I could learn to grow into. The only glitch seems to be its incompatibility with ordinary AA size cells, which I believe would be solved with a firmware upgrade.

Any mention of gadgets is incomplete without the mention of a new member in our home, AL. So when he joined the chaotic environs of the enclosure we call home, suddenly there were a host of new things to be seen all around. I will not be able to describe much, but till date I’ve seen a camera Kodak P 850, a Philishave, a IBM lenovo laptop, his Sony Ericsson K700i. There definitely will be more things hiding in his immense loads of baggage.

Anyway the point is that even though they may not seem much, but all these entered our home within a span of 3 days. The point also is that I guess I have talked a lot about gadgets. I should stop now. Time to go check out some real stuff in Think Geek.

Pity the beggars?

2006-03-23T01:10:00.000-08:00

It’s been ages. To be able to write, the mind needs to be able to think. Somehow I was not thinking much about a lot about my life the past few days. The routine life had taken its toll. Sometimes things need to be shaken up.

I am now in Vizag doing nothing. I needed this cooling off after the hectic Mumbai life badly. As always, this time too, I was traveling home by train. Now sleeper class being my preferred class for travel, because it is airy & open and because it is very cheap. It is also always filled to the brim with many experiences - different kinds of people either begging or selling you something.

The journey started off with hijras. In fact, throughout the journey, as many as 8 hijra parties "raided" our compartment. They certainly have grown in number. But I get the feeling that they have lost their old aggression and style. Where is the highly expressive, no holds barred overly feminine nature? Where are the loud claps that sent chills down young boy's spines? Where is the stubborn nature of not accepting anything less than 10 Rs? Now they seem to be satisfied even with 1 Re. They seem to have diminished in their character and style and have dropped to the level of ordinary beggars.

Anyway, when it comes to beggars, there are a very few we can characterize as ordinary. To be able to get money from others, almost every beggar will have some differentiator. For example take the lame beggars of different kind. On this trip I saw some walk with the help of either prosthetic legs or other apparatus. I saw some who would simply crawl who had their legs bent behind their backs. These were polio affected and locking their lifeless legs behind the backs probably made more sense than having them loosely hanging around. I missed the skateboarding lame beggars, the ones who don’t crawl but sit on a locally made skateboards made of plywood and small wheels to move around using the hands.

The next most popular category of disabled beggars ought to be the blind beggars. Again they can be sub classified as plain begging beggars or singing ones. Somehow the concept of singing is very popular in blind beggars. In addition it also adds the entertainment factor giving a boost to the beggar's earnings.

Young boys and girls too use entertainment (singing/dancing) to earn money. Special mention is needed for the rocking sisters. No they were not into rock. They just use these two flat rocks to add rhythm to their singing and dancing on popular bollywood fare. I'm sure almost anyone who has traveled in a train in India knows how two rocks are expertly used to create the crackling sound.

Among people who do something more than just beg, we should not leave behind the sweepers. The first category brings a proper broom along. Members of the second category simply remove their shirts and sweep with them maybe to add to the pity factor. No offense meant. At least they clean the place up before begging for money. When they are done, they simply dust the dirt off and wear it back.

Another very unique form of begging I've seen is the pamphlet alms seeker. A middle-aged woman quietly distributes pamphlets in the compartment. The pamphlet would typically contain some sad story of how a farmer has lost everything, committed suicide and has left behind children who need to be taken care of. When she was done distributing the pamphlets, she would come back to collect the pamphlets and money.

Somehow I don’t pity any beggar. When I see someone whose profession itself is begging, who does this everyday, I am curious and try to find out how they do what they do. Consider this incident I witnessed on the platform of Lonavla station. Two crawling polio affected beggars were talking to each other, a man and a woman. The man had just alighted our train. The woman was looking to get inside our train to start her tour of begging. He advised her not to board this one and shared the dismal experience of his tour of the train. He was of the opinion that she would be better off touring the Kanyakumari Express scheduled to arrive next. Now when I witness such a conversation, I see two professionals earning their living through begging sharing potential opportunities. I don’t see helpless people who have no control on their life. This makes me regard them as equals, maybe not in monetary terms, but just in their competence in what they do - begging. Pity doesn't quite fit in this arrangement.

The time I almost died - Part 2

2006-02-03T07:37:00.000-08:00

The time I almost died - Part 1

Soon we reached the hilly area. Hill roads are narrower, are on steep inclines and have very tight u-turns. One needs to be careful when driving on them. On a straight road you see the road clearly in front of you. But on hill roads you don’t know what is in store for you round that blind u-turn, a big boulder, an approaching vehicle. So you’ve got to be extra careful. Dad taught me three cardinal rules for driving on such roads.

Stick to your side: There are no clear demarcation of lanes on the road. So when taking a right turn there is a tendency to go inside, thereby crossing over to other side. Now the person coming from opposite side doesn’t know about this (blind turn) and rightfully stays on his side. Result: A head-on collision. So it is necessary to stay to your side.

A vehicle going uphill has right of way: If a portion of road is too narrow for both coming & going traffic to pass, the vehicle going uphill has right of way. The reason is that the climbing up takes more effort and is more stressful to the car. On very steep inclines it is difficult for the vehicles to start moving once they’ve stopped. But vehicles going downhill can always do that.

Avoid using brakes when going downhill: An amateur driver will use brakes extensively when going downhill as gravity speeds up the vehicle beyond acceptable limits. The result is overheating of brake pads and may result in brake failure which might again lead to catastrophic accidents. The trick is to ride on a lower gear than you normally ride in on level roads. The engine will slow the car down and reduce the affect of gravity.

OK I end the boring stuff now.

So where were we? Yeah we were on the hills, driving towards Borra Caves and Araku Valley.

Before I continue let me give some explanation (not an excuse) for my actions, the description of which will follow. I was driving a tiny car that was packed with 5 other grown boys. This bunch was getting more and more unruly, the music was loud and I had the burden of the above guidelines on my mind. We took the diversion to Borra Caves. This route was steeper and the road was narrower than the normal route to Araku Valley. On a particular stretch of road which was downhill, there was an especially tight turn along a deep cliff. Now normally I should have slowed down and carefully executed the turn. But somehow in the whole confusion in the car and because of things on my mind, I did something else. I actually depressed the accelerator lever instead of the brake. Assuming that I was depressing the brake and confused why the car wasn’t slowing down, I depressed the accelerator further. Now the car was too fast to take the turn and the turn had already come. Too late!

What followed was a whirlwind of actions in a state of abject fear. At stake were our lives as there was no chance we would survive a fall from that cliff. While still accelerating the car, I somehow was able to take the u-turn (required really fast hand movements to turn the steering wheel). The shock was so much that I was not able to stop accelerating until the end of the turn. I stopped on the side of the road contemplating what just happened. All the boys were in shock too and for once in the trip were completely quite.

A decision was then made to not go to Borra Caves at all. We decided that we didn’t have enough fuel in the tank to complete the journey if we went to the caves. Of course that was a lame excuse. The real reason – we were too afraid to continue driving on this road. The rest of the journey was quite uneventful and went as planned.

In my defence, let me add one more point. I was used to driving a much bigger car 'the Ambassador' with brake and accelerator levers well spaced out. I had driven the Maruti earlier but just for a few minutes or so. This was my first long drive on this car. There was almost no gap between the accelerator and the brake. One can easily confuse between the two, esp. if one is used to driving bigger cars.

I however take responsibility for the danger I put my friends and myself in. That was a rash thing to do. I also take some pride in how I skilfully managed the turn. I know many people can’t do that.

What happened on that day happened because I was taking in all the influences at a time (the music, the friends talk, the guidelines) and was less focussed on the main activity at hand – Driving. Years have passed since then. I have matured. I have learnt to concentrate my efforts, to focus and not ingrain every influence I come across. I guess this is good. But in the process of focussing there is also a problem, and this fear is nagging me with each passing day - Am I becoming less perceptive?

The time I almost died - Part 1

2006-01-27T05:46:00.000-08:00

I have already posted about one of my car incidents. The time has now come to recall another one of my incident on cars. This was way back in engineering college when I was 19 yrs old.

But before the actual incident, let me write a bit about the scenic beauty around Vizag. Like the Western Ghats along the west cost of India, there are also the Eastern Ghats which are older, more discontinuous & of lesser height than the Western Ghats along the eastern coast. As they are of lesser height, they don’t attract as much attention as their western counterpart. Now Vizag is a city nestled between these Eastern Ghats on one side & the Bay of Bengal on the other. The city however has now expanded beyond the ghats.

Araku Valley is a scenic spot deep inside these hills. It is about 115 km from Vizag. Along the road to Araku, about 85 km from Vizag, there is a diversion leading to an ancient cave formation, the Borra Caves that are 1,400 m above sea level.

I was just learning how to drive cars back then. We had a white Ambassador (Mark 3). The steering wheel was tight, the pedals were heavy, the steering gears were especially difficult to handle. That was the time when driving our car was invariably associated with excessive mental tension. At that time I didn’t realise that driving any other car would be any better. This misconception soon disappeared after I drove a few other cars. Now that I look back, I think I could have easily driven any badly maintained truck too. We now have a Fiat Palio – no worries whatsoever. Nevetheless, an Ambassador is Ambassador – it was spacious, it was big, it was heavy, and most of all, my nostalgic childhood memories are associated with it.

So back then in engineering college, we were hanging out in the hostel (though I was not a hosteller, that was still the hangout place). An elder cousin of a friend ‘S’ had come to Vizag in his Maruti 800 car. Now this person had left the car with S, incidentally for safekeeping, while he attended an important work over the weekend. Little did he know of the kind of experiments we would be doing with the poor puny machine.

We took stock of the situation then. We had a car at our disposal. We had me – the only person who could drive the car through traffic and had a valid licence (yeah I got a licence made when I was 18 without paying a single extra rupee. I am really proud of it). We had six (including me) enthusiastic boys raring to go somewhere. And we had just two days to do whatever we wanted to do. A plan of Borra Caves + Araku Valley was hurriedly finalised. I told my parents about the plan. I just missed one crucial bit – the bit about six of us going by car and most of all “me” driving the car. I convinced them that we were going by bus. And then it began.

We packed the six of us (4 in the back & 2 in front) in the Maruti. The first leg of the journey was getting out the city. Not much adventure here. The traffic kept us subdued.

The next leg was an almost straight road between the city and the hills. We got a bit adventurous here. The traffic was less, the music system was blaring hard and we were moving at around 70 km/h. Somehow we felt the crazy need to touch 100 km/h. Now doing that is fine when you have a bigger car or a jeep and when you are travelling on a highway. But this was the smallest car in India with small wheels on an Indian 20' wide road which had some minor potholes too. We selected a stretch of road which appeared traffic-less and pothole-less and floored the pedal.

The speedometer reading slowly started moving. We reached 80 km/h. The car started vibrating. The speedometer lazily inched beyond 90km/h. The vibrations became more & more violent. We didn’t know who would give up first us (out of fear) or the car (out of sheer exhaustion). Just when we thought the speed would increase no more, somehow, the car managed to cross the 100 km/h mark. Victory at last!

The time I almost died - Part 2

Dreams

2006-01-23T03:53:00.000-08:00

Of late I have noticed a change in myself. Earlier I used to have dreams, but would soon forget them within seconds of waking up. But nowadays I vividly remember all the details even hours & days later. Another change I feel is that earlier the dreams were mostly happy or at least positive. Now the dreams are in all shades, & have a mix of all emotions. I don’t know if this is a sign of something ominous or just a result of my changing sleep patterns.

Dad

2006-01-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

My relationship with my dad has been a very turbulent one. As a kid I had a sort of stoic relationship with him. Most of all, I used to fear him. During adolescence that fear changed to anger & rebellion. I used to hate Dad for every small thing he used to do. “Why cannot we spend extravagantly? Why does he always have to right? Who is he to decide what I should be doing?” But there was still some fear & I would generally comply with him. As I started maturing further, I started crystallising my own thoughts. I started realising why Dad did what he did, why he said what he said. There is no fear now. But there is respect. Why this respect? Because Dad has taught me…

....that you conquer your fears by facing them head on
Whenever we kids showed any signs of fear, he would immediately make us do the thing we feared as many times as it took to get rid of the fear. He always used to give example of Tantrics, & how they conquer their fears. He recounted how they lived in graveyards, how they drank from human skulls & how they lived a life that was unimaginable. He maintained that the so called power that they had was not of divine nature but the consequence of them living in those surroundings & just being too used to them to be afraid.

....that a broom has to be given as much importance as a pen
....why a mochi (cobbler) has to be treated with respect
A broom cleans your house. It removes the dirt in other places by dirtying itself. It serves a very important part in your life. Do not disrespect it. A cobbler makes your shoes that protect your feet. He charges money for something that you need. Treat him with respect. Some beliefs or practices of our past look down upon dirty things/people. People who used to be referred to as “Bhangi” or “Chamaar” were the ones who used to do all those essential but messy jobs that we wouldn’t dare do. Yet there was a general aversion to them. Dad taught me why it was important to respect them. I have & I always will respect all the cleaning women, dhobi’s (washer man), mochi’s, waiter’s with as much respect as I would any other person. I refer to them as “aap”. The only people I refer to as “tum” are my friends, my peers & my family who’ll know that the “tum” is the sign of closeness than disrespect.

....if you promised to be there at 8 pm, reach the place at 8 pm
I understand that there is a concept called “Indian Time” according to which it is customary to go from a half an hour to 1 hr late. Dad was always against this thing. This little issue was reason to many a war’s between my parents. He would be up & ready to reach the party in time, while she would start getting ready at the allotted time. I used to side with mother then, but now I realise why reaching when you are called is important. In fact being intentionally late is a form of hypocrisy - the one thing I absolutely detest.

....and many more…

My mother was the one who used to give support in times of distress, who used to give love, who used to be the one I liked. But it was my father who gave me one of the most important aspects of my personality – my value system. He followed his own ideals & was always the one with answers of life when there was indecision. Today I can safely say with no hesitance that I am proud of my father.

A New Year - Some New Hope

2006-01-02T21:34:00.000-08:00

The first post of the Year!

I wish myself and anybody reading this an eventful year ahead. Its time to reboot & start with new energy. This is more important to me as in the end of last year I had some misfortunes.

Avoid the rest of the post if you do not want any of my gloominess to rub off on you.

I lost my mobile phone. It was mostly my fault. In a drowsy mood, with lots of thoughts in my mind I easily forgot to take the mobile phone with me when I was alighting a bus. Now somebody else will be enjoying it. 10,000 down the drain. As I am thinking about this, I realise that it is not the money that I lost. The money I lost was anyway gone the day I bought the phone. It was the experience of owning, enjoying its MP3 player, camera and other features that I lost. I’ve spent 5,000 more and bought another phone. Now this one has brought in its own set of experiences. Lets see which experience turns out to be better.

I was down with throat infection from last Sunday. The symptoms are that your throat seems to become very constricted; you get fever & body pains. These are annoying but what is most annoying is the huge amount of phlegm after the infection. My nose, my throat & my lungs are filled with this thick, sticky unnecessary residue which reduces only with time. All I can do about it is clear my nose every hour or so. I still am recovering & hope this thing gets over fast. This bad health also made sure I did not celebrate the New Year as planned. No party, no excessive drinking, no dancing. Just a quite night with some friends & I was home before midnight, watching TV reports of celebrations around India & desperately trying to call up home at a time when networks are invariably busy.

But the New Year should (& I hope I have the conviction to make it) bring better fortune. Let me see what new things I try out from now.

Legalise Corruption or Institutionalise Hypocrisy

2005-12-16T06:47:00.000-08:00

I was reading about this incident where a senior executive of Samsung has duped the company of crores of rupees. Pretty smartly executed! Though we hope he gets caught, I don’t know if he will get reasonable punishment. In other news, we see a sting operation carried out by Cobrapost exposing small time MP’s of taking bribes to ask questions in parliament. The value of the actual bribes seems ridiculously low, and you almost pity these MP’s. I would’ve expected the payout for discussions at a national level to me much higher. But I guess the transacting parties (MP & fictitious NISMA) knew the true worth of discussions in Lok Sabha. ;)

As much as we may try & express shock & disbelief over such incidents, deep in our hearts we know that corruption is rampant in the society. So these incidents are not at all surprising. I almost expected another sting operation on MP’s. This sting operation has done nothing more than expose another channel of money making which our esteemed MP’s use. The corrupt will still remain corrupt. But they will be more careful in future & will probably use newer advanced channels for satisfying their monetary requirements. Well at least these sting operations will ensure that the corrupt are on their toes & continuously have to come up with new innovative ways of making that extra income. Some consolation!

I recently saw Apaharan & more than the story & the message, what I liked about the film was how it showed about the system of working of gangs, police & government. On the face of it we have our laws that are supposed to be followed. But there is another (probably more practical) system of working that is in no way related to laws. Almost everybody inherently subscribes to this alternate or parallel system of working.

The business class blatantly break all rules to save as much tax money as they can. The kidnapping gangs target the business class for ransom. They actually return the kidnapped "party" after the ransom is paid (the kidnapping business runs on this trust). The police have their own cuts from the ransom. As a result getting into the police force is very rewarding & hence that too has its own price. The businessmen know the nexus of police & kidnappers & meekly pay the demanded ransom. The highly funded kidnapping gangs form their own government. The loop seems complete. Businessmen cheat govt. Businessmen pay kidnappers. Kidnappers form govt. In the end the govt which is cheated by businessmen is formed by gangs who get paid by the same businessmen. The only difference is that the money is of different colour.

But there are some misfits in this whole scheme of things. Mohan Agashe’s character is an old idealist who believes in the rule of law. Nobody (not even his son) around him understands his foolish ideals. But for this character, the whole chaos, the whole violence & so many deaths could have been avoided. It was his action (a sting operation of sorts) that disrupted this whole parallel system.

This makes me wonder- Wouldn’t it be better if idealist characters were not there in the first place? After all, everybody is involved in this whole cycle of cheating or blackmailing one another. Since everybody is involved, Shastriji (Mohan Agashe’s character) actually disrupts the balance with his attempts or rather misadventures. Why do they do that? They do that because they feel what is happening now is bad. They feel that people should be punished for cheating, for corruption, for kidnapping. Why? Because they do not have clarity of the present day situation. They feel that whatever is written as laws are the only truth.

But some rules are unwritten. Many offices have almost institutionalised the charges for getting things done. I had a hard time getting my driving licence just because dad didn’t allow me to pay the extra money. Though I finally got it (& was extremely happy to have done it without the charges – felt like I had done it for free!). In govt hospitals, we have to pay extra to get see the doctor, get medicines, or get tests done. This institutionalisation is actually a good thing. At least things are clear. There are no uncomfortable moments where we are thinking how much is appropriate & who should be approached. There is no unnecessary time waste in bargains. But then we have these idealists who do not understand the new order. What do we do about them?

Solution 1: A solution could be that we legalise the new order of working. We legalise corruption. Extreme? Yes. Practical? Again yes except that it has to be implemented carefully to be successful. The idealists then have no base to justify their actions. If implemented properly, I don’t understand why it won’t work.

Solution 2: If we do not have enough courage to out rightly legalise corruption (which I’m sure we don’t have), a (weak) middle path solution could also be implemented. As kids we are taught something, while it is totally something else that benefits us in real life. At least teach both these approaches right from the beginning. Children should be taught how to keep two faces, one for speaking, preaching. And another for actually getting work done. The getting work done part should be hidden from public view – I know that is obvious, but kids being kids have to be taught everything. By institutionalising this way of life, we will prevent any idealists to even take form.

Yes I am being a cynic. I am not sure if that is such a bad thing. At least I am no pseudo idealist.

The 24 hr song

2005-12-09T04:31:00.000-08:00

If I like a song, I listen to it repeatedly. But most of the songs I like lose their likeability after hearing them more than 5 times continuously. I get bored of the monotony. This is because they have only one facet in them which appeals to me. They are thus one-dimensional. It doesn’t take long to get bored of such songs.

Then there is this special breed of songs which I start listening; repeat it; repeat again. I am still not bored. I put it on loop on winamp. Sit down – listen 10 times. I am still not bored. I lie down – Listen another 20 times. I am still not bored! Heck I don’t get bored. It is an addiction. You only stop listening if you are interrupted by something else. Something about the song keeps you want to hear it again & again. The song is so “wholesome”. Given a chance I could be listening to it 24 hrs. These are the kind of songs which I call the 24 hr songs.

Many songs have graced the crown of being the 24 hr song in my life. I will list down only some of notable ones here.

Billy Joel - We didn’t start the fire
The first time I heard this song was in about 1991 or so. I had seen the video too, I think in Grammy nominations. The whole package was so appealing. I was just a school kid then but I got a general idea of the song with the video & whatever lyrics I could understand. The music & arrangement of the song too seemed perfect. Needless to say, I fell in love with the song. To add to my woes, I didn’t have to song. So eventually when I found it, it was pure bliss. I think I would have listened to this one at least 500 times till date. The thing is that I still haven’t memorised the lyrics fully, so there is something to look forward to for every repeat of the song.

Guns n Roses - November Rain
The first time I heard this song, was again when I was in school. At that time I was not exposed to such music & rejected it as “noisy”. Somehow one day later I stumbled upon it & rediscovered the song. The song was brilliant. The best part of course was the ending guitar piece.

Boney M – Rasputin
At home we had an almost complete collection of Boney M. All their songs had a good rhythm with decent tunes. Rasputin was one song which stands out in the whole collection. The song entices you and keeps you involved right from the drum beats in the beginning to the “Ohh those Russians” in the end. The Russian flavour in the tune & the accent made it unique. On the whole the song sort of pumped up your heart.

Indian Ocean - Kandisa
I think there is no need of an explanation. This song is simply superb. Who needs to understand the lyrics when the music is so moving? Many an hours were spent listening to this one. The best time to be enjoying this song is in the morning just after you get up. It refreshes & recharges you for the rigours of life.

Waisa Bhi Hota Hai - Allah ke Bande
We get sort of emotionally attached to some songs. This is one of the songs I am really attached to. When I first listened to the song, I was in one of my very low phases in life. In its own small way this card helped me get back on track. I played it so many times (continuously except for classes for 3 days) in the hostel that I would have managed to infect others with this song. Soon this song became a hit on campus.

Metallica – Unforgiven
Words cannot describe the feelings I have when this song plays. A whole mixed bag of anger, fear, disgust, guilt, hate, remorse & even a sense of satisfaction. I don’t know if it is in the lyrics, the music or the combination.

Rabbi Shergil - Bulla Ki Jaan
Another good song which goes easy on your ears and on your mind too. Inspirational lines sung beautifully by Rabbi Shergill. It takes some time to appreciate the beauty of the song.

My current 24 hr song has surprised even me. It is an unknown Trance track:
Master Blaster – How Old are you (Radio Mix)
I was going through an old Trance collection when I stumbled upon this track. The song is like a chant that means there is not much of lyrics but a lot of pumping up in the tune & the beats.

This list is not exhaustive. The list is skewed towards the newer songs mainly because of my poor memory.

Some people

2005-12-02T02:27:00.000-08:00

I live with a queer set of people. Here I must admit I must be the queerest of them all, but that is not the point of this post.

BN is a strange mix of South Indian & North Indian cultures. A thin guy like me, he has a knack of noticing things very quickly. He feels that he has a drinking problem & is trying really hard to control it. I have accompanied him many times to the bars when the need became unbearable. :) A unique thing about him is his voice modulation while speaking. His talk changes from whispers to deafening booms sometimes in the same sentence. A straight talking person, he doesn’t hide much. His extrovert nature makes him air his viewpoints loudly. The unique nature of his perspective invariably gets you laughing. He asks for big favours as though it is his right, but at the same time has no qualms about doing almost anything you say. Of late he has become my advisor in matters of life, career etc.

AK: This guy knows his music. He has a small MP3 player which he listens to everyday. Ghazals, Classical Music, Trance are the kind of things he likes listening to. A seemingly quite guy but only up to the time you have not warmed up with him. He could be extremely witty with cruel tinge if he so desires. Cartoon channels are his favourite, with Pogo definitely on top. The lack of hair on his head used to be one more aspect of his sexy persona. But of late he too has fallen in the trap of following the same boring norm of having hair.

PJ: The big brother of the gang. He is extremely knowledgeable in all sorts of things (I don’t know what all they are). A humble guy, he always gives you more credit than you deserve. He rarely expresses directly, but likes it when we get his subtle hints of what he wants. He really works hard, both in job & as far as I know earlier in his studies. Mostly a shy guy, he never gets tired of watching those remix dance videos or any dance number for that matter, etc (hindi music channel) being his favourite channel. In fact such is his passion for etc that he skilfully dominates the possession of the TV remote for it. A soft guy by nature, he has an esp. soft corner for a certain neighbour of ours though he is too shy to ever talk to her.

AS: Though he doesn’t live with us, we still consider him part of the fraternity owing the proximity of his place of stay. AS is always ready to be part of any plan. If you are feeling bored on a weekend, call him up to finalise a plan for a movie, shopping, bowling etc. The best part is that he invariably ends up spending more than you when you go shopping with him. So the guilty feeling of having spent more is non-existent when you are with him. An auto-rickshaw is the only proper mode of transport for AS. In his own words – “Auto-rickshaws provide an end to end yet specialized solution for all your transport needs. They can drop you right up to your doorstep. There is enough privacy yet the appropriate openness for you to enjoy the best of both worlds.” Left at his discretion we would always be travelling in Auto-rickshaws even if we had to travel from Thane right up to CST. Apart from his extreme fetish for auto-rickshaws, AS collects & reads all sorts of “feel good” books he can lay his hands on. A corollary to this is that his spirit is always high, something which makes you want to be with him more often.

Strange this world we live in. Stranger are the people we live with.

Practicality

2005-11-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

I am at that stage of my life where I am finally giving up on idealism. Yes, those same ideals that were so clear in my mind as a kid like “Don’t lie” “Don’t cheat” “Don’t bribe” “Don’t copy”.

I admit that at many moments I have resorted to breaking these same ideals. But at all those times I felt really guilty & resolved never to break them again. However stories like this that happen so regularly, have been regular hits to the well defined ideals. So now these ideals have become weak & may soon succumb to more practical & selfish concerns.

Probably from now on I will break all those ideals with impunity, without guilt, & with a sense of satisfaction that I have been able to become one up on all those sincere fools. My only concern will be not to get caught. Yes why not? Why do we stay in an illusion that people are there out to help each other? This is a competitive world. Why should I care for anyone? I have my own selfish concerns. At least I will be following a cause I believe in. At least I will not be having unpractical ideals which I break from time to time to suit the situation. Who knows? Maybe that is the right approach to take.

And I cannot continue because I feel sick right now.

I am confused. I really am.

2005-11-18T03:13:00.000-08:00

How am I supposed to behave with people?

How should I behave with a person from metros? How should I behave with people from villages or small towns? What will be important while talking to foreigners? How should I behave with relatives? How should my attitude be towards girls? What about my immediate family? What about close friends? Or people who are just acquaintances? How should I behave with complete strangers? Should I adapt my behaviour according to rich or poor? Boss or subordinate? Powerful & Powerless? Age?

Answers to some of these questions are obvious. But I still feel it is important to write them down. These questions always trouble me. As a kid I was also exposed to the different classes that exist in the world- the races, castes, nationalities & genders. However I was taught the concept of equality & the importance of treating everyone with equal respect. I embraced the equality concept as at that time it seemed simple, logical & appropriate. However over time the concept has evolved based on the kind of experiences I’ve had in my life. I have come to realize that people are essentially different. Everyone is unique. A person’s identity cannot be completely defined by his/her caste, gender, race or any such category. And I believe doing that is an insult to his/her individuality.

So how does one behave with people? I have identified six approaches that we could use:

1. The equality approach: This approach as its name suggests implies that we consciously behave similarly with different people. We do not adapt according to what we know of them. First we define a set of rules (acceptable & desired behaviour) we wish to follow. Then we behave accordingly with everybody. This approach doesn’t factor in the uniqueness people have. But at the same time this approach also does not differentiate based on any criteria. This approach follows the concept of equality in its true sense & is completely rigid about it.

2. The individualistic approach: The individualistic approach in total contrast to the equality approach completely factors all uniqueness a person has. It takes into account all minor details in the person’s personality. We behave completely based on the unique subtleties in the individual. This again is a very rigid approach.

3. The category approach: This is the very approach that evokes strong emotions from many quarters. This approach will involve stereotyping people according to their category like caste, gender etc. We behave based on predefined prejudices we have about a person.

4. The flexible approach: Having sampled three rigid approaches, we find out what is this flexible approach. Basically this approach will use any of the equality, individualistic & category approaches based on requirement. At any point of time we evaluate the options of using equality, individualistic or category approaches & based on requirement use the appropriate. We could also use a mix of these three approaches at any point of time.

5. The mindless approach: All the above approaches involved some thinking based on some rules. This approach differs from them in this very aspect. We don’t think, we feel. Our behaviour is then not governed by rules. Rather we behave based on what our heart says. Thus this approach is completely random in its nature.

6. Personal approach: In the personal approach you behave based on the level of intimacy or closeness we have with the person. This approach could be confused with the individualistic approach. In individualistic approach you behave according to how much you “know” about the person. In personal approach you behave according to how “important” is that person in your life.

The approaches are not mutually exclusive. We could be following more than one approach at a time.

The equality approach was what I used to naively believe in when I was a kid. The whole pointlessness of this approach would be obvious to most people. In spite of being pointless, this approach is idealistic. And being idealistic, one will get a sense of pride while following this approach. But yes the approach is not practical. You cannot possibly behave similarly with a person trying to kill you & your elder sister’s baby boy unless you are Mahatma Buddha.

The individualistic approach is another ideal which is difficult to follow. Considering all details about an individual for any small interaction again is not practical. Also it is not possible to get to know a person well before we start interacting with him/her on a regular basis.

In spite of me despising the category approach, it does serve some practical purpose. Knowing about a person’s nationality, gender & other background is a good start to get to know more about him/her. Stereotypes & predefined prejudices do have some role to play, though a person’s caste & to some extent religion are loosing any relevance in modern India.

The flexible approach is what is followed most of the times. This approach is a safe way of navigating the behavioural waters. We use whatever is apt for the moment. This approach could also be termed as the practical approach. I admit I’ve been following this approach most of the times. But I soon get sick of the artificial & opportunistic nature of such an approach.

The mindless approach could also be termed as the heart approach or the random approach. At times when I have got disillusioned with the flexible approach, I decided that I wouldn’t control my behaviour. In those times I used to get thoughts like “I will say whatever I feel” “I will not cloak my emotions/thoughts to suit others preferences”. In the process I end up ruffling many feathers. In that sense this is a pretty dangerous approach to follow.But the sense of freedom while following such an approach is good. This approach is also a lot less taxing on the brain as there are no rules to be followed.

I’m sure a majority of people would be following the personal approach other than certain saints & sages who have reached a level of consciousness where they are close to everything yet far from everything. And I am also sure that this approach would be used in combination with other approaches.

So what is the answer? Should I become the idealist? Should I become the practical guy? Should I not worry about all this & just follow what my heart says? Where does the answer lie?

My money - Our Money

2005-11-04T04:06:00.000-08:00

So I didn’t go home this Diwali. But when I do go home these days, I feel sort of disconnected from my family. Everything is so much changed. Everything is done to please me, as if I am a guest. The first two days are spent realigning myself with the lifestyle I had about 3 yrs ago as I myself am not able to come to terms that my life in this house is as good as over. I will be outside this home from now on, roaming around all the big cities in India & abroad, because of the career I have chosen for myself. This is the reality & I guess the sooner I come to terms with it, the better it will be for me. But my heart doesn’t seem to understand. Wherever I go, wherever I stay, I feel it is but temporary. There are some imaginary strings or bonds which extend right from Mumbai to Vizag which remind me that I actually belong there & not here.

But the most disturbing development is that now I have my own money that is not a part of the family money. To understand this you will have to understand how our family regarded money. In our home we used to always have this concept where all the money was everyone’s. We were never given any pocket money. As we grew to about 10 yrs of age, we were free to use the money stored in the almirah whenever there was any need. But we had to give complete information on all the money we spent later. Somehow given all this freedom to use the money, we never spent foolishly. We were always careful with the money we spent. After all this was our money too. When I started earning in a sort of a part time job there, I never thought of the money I earned to be something of my own. The thought process went like this – The only use of the money will be when it will be spent. If I have found something important or valid to spend on, I will anyway get the money to spend from the collective money. If something I wanted to spend money on was later proven to be not valid, even I myself would not like to spend money on it. Almost all our non regular spending was done by mutual consensus as a family. Sometimes we even stopped Papa from purchasing something’s when we thought that it was a waste of money.

So now I am earning money in Mumbai & I don’t know where it is valid & where it is not valid to spend it. I have been asked not to send money & to find my own ways of spending & investing if the need be. I am on my own now. I know that with the training I’ve got, I am not going to spend it foolishly, but what disturbs me is that now since I’ve started earning, I seem to be not anymore a part of my family. I know Dad that you do not need my money, but I don’t understand how this money is mine, and how all the money you earned was ours.

I guess staying away for so many years does take its toll.

Leopold CST Marine Drive Thane

2005-10-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

There was a party this weekend. The party was big - 15 of my colleagues turned up. We went to a place called Leopold in Colaba. They make some of the best cocktails in Mumbai. The atmosphere there was awesome & some of the foreigners there esp. people of African origin danced in such abandon, and also with such grace, that we simply had to watch. After the party we were of course too late. So when we reached the CST station, the last train for Thane (the place I stay in) had already left. Some people left by taxis and autos to their homes. But I made a decision to stay back & leave by the morning train. Some of my friends also living in Thane decided to stay back too.

We stayed in the CST station for some time. The whole of the station had this sleepy feeling around it. We saw all the people sleeping on the platform and the waiting area. We saw many policemen (don’t know what they were there for) lazing around in different places. We saw the main station area that at any point of time had at least 100 people on it had become a vast empty space. We saw all those shops that were usually bustling with activity with shutters down. We had difficulty locating a chai wala (tea salesman – I always have trouble translating stuff. The translation gives a completely different feel to it). What we found was the tea container with the salesman missing. After making some appropriate noises the dude dozing nearby who was listening to a walkman got up. He gave us the two mini or rather micro glasses of tea and charged us 6 bucks for it. My friend in his inebriated state started to protest. I had to make him quite. We then stayed there for a while steadying ourselves & taking stock of what we had in store for the night ahead. It was then decided that we go to Marine drive.

Now Mumbai beaches and sea is nothing compared to Vizag, but it still has some life in it. We sat lazily on the small wall along the footpath, chatting, just looking at the vast expanse of the sea & the Mumbai night lights. It brought back memories from Vizag. The lights were especially captivating. I am not very good at describing the beauty I feel, so let me stop here. Soon it was morning - we came back to the station & left for home.

Journey vs Destination

2005-10-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

So what did I do this Dushera. Well, since there was nothing planned, and Pune is one place close to Mumbai, and since I had still not been around Pune, it was Pune for this Dushera. So me, and two other engineering college buddies living here went along to Pune. The expressway between Mumbai & Pune is a welcome change from the potholed excuse that the Mumbai roads have become. One of my friends has a brand new Indica. He also has music system with a 12' lcd tv installed in the car. So while he was busy driving and checking the car’s mileage on the highway, we simply sat back and enjoyed the ride, a movie and most of all the music.

Pune itself was pretty uneventful. We went around some of the happening places there, met a lot of other friends, tried go-karting but found that they had closed down. Nothing to talk about here.

The return journey was where we got a bit adventurous. While going we took care that we followed all rules & slowed down at turns. But while returning it was a bit rougher. It was 80 kmph all the way. So on some of the tight turns, we were pushed to sides because of the centrifugal force. The music played in high volume pumped up our spirits. The two drives were much more enjoyable than the actual Pune visit.

It’s always like that with me. I like the journey more than the destination. When I reach some place, I want to travel more. I enjoy the changing sights during the travel more than the bliss of having reached somewhere. The passion of being on the move is always more than the satisfaction of having reached the target. As a kid when we used to visit relatives in summer holidays, the most exciting part of the holiday invariably used to be the train journey.

I always used to wonder why some people esp. girls take so long to shop. I guess this could be the answer (at least in part). The excitement of buying something new, of trying out different things, of the anticipation that soon she’ll be owning a new dress is more pleasurable than actually wearing or using the item.

As I ponder over it, I can’t help but think, is it the same with me in life? Whenever I achieve something big, I don’t enjoy it much. What really brings me happiness is the path, the journey, just going through the motions of achieving the target. This thought has helped me get some peace in my life. I now know that achieving something is not going to give me much. It is more about those small things that I am going to do along in my life that will bring happiness. Now the pressure of successfully achieving the goal is gone. It is replaced by the need to enjoy in whatever I do, to work for my own satisfaction and to let the goal be achieved on its own merit.

IIPM is doomed

2005-10-11T04:49:00.000-07:00

My blog is my thoughts for the world. It is my channel of saying whatever I want to convey. These are strictly my thoughts and mine alone. I believe I am entitled to my opinion, as long as it is expressed in an agreeable language. It is after all an opinion.

But the internet is a very powerful tool. It is possible for a blogger to influence a large section of society. Naturally with such immense power there is bound to be some responsibility. As a responsible blogger I will accept any miscommunication or misrepresentation & correct the same. However that will happen only if I am proved wrong.

Gaurav Sabnis is a blogger. He had an opinion about IIPM (a management education institute promoted by Arindam Chauduri). The opinion was not so nice & had also cited JAMMAG, a publication of Rashmi Bansal, another popular blogger. As a responsible blogger, he would have posted an apology if he was proved wrong. But IIPM did nothing of that sort. Instead it started applying pressure both on Rashmi and Gaurav to withdraw their opinions and apologize. This is like school. IIPM is the big bully who says some lies. Rashmi & Gaurav are the kids who point out the flaw in the big bully’s talk. Since big bully cannot argue with them based on logic, he starts bashing them up, warning them of dire consequences unless they take back their words. Both the kids stand their ground in spite of the bashing. So the big bully crosses his limits. And now Gaurav has to quit his job.

This is unfair. In school, there used to be bullying, but there was also the teacher who used to control those big bully’s and punish them for such acts. Who will control this big bully that IIPM has become? I find that there is no institution that will do that. So we do what us small kids used to do when there was no teacher. We fight collectively. So what if I am a small time blogger averaging single digit hits per day. This post is about that collective fighting that we individual bloggers have to wage against this mammoth, heavily funded, influential institution.

Any institution however mediocre can improve with time. A commitment on providing relevant education over a period of time is bound to bring results. IIPM has taken a shortcut by blanking out all other institutes from newspapers through its heavy ad spend. This is forgivable. It can still improve if it has commitment. But this big bully has put its weight in crushing any voice raised against its false claims. This clears all doubts. If the promoters itself have no sense of ethics or responsibility, there is no hope for this institute. I am just sorry for all the gullible students that are and will be studying in this institute. I wouldn’t advise even an enemy to join this institute.

IIPM is doomed!

To keep updated on the IIPM fiasco visit Desipundit.

I have survived

2005-10-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

A while ago, when monsoon was just showing its face in Mumbai, I had written this. I had just lost my second umbrella of the season and was angry at myself for loosing it. The decision to not use the umbrella had come partly because of my stubborn resolve not to use the umbrella and partly because I had convinced myself that the umbrella was not required.

The concept that I was dependent on the umbrella was what I hated. At that time it was just my resolve not to use it that drove me. Now the monsoon is over for all practical purposes. I have gone the distance. I am here typing these ramblings and am sure I won’t be missing an umbrella again at least in this season. I have survived perhaps the greatest monsoon Mumbai has ever faced without an umbrella. I can now reflect back about whether I really needed the umbrella. I have mixed feelings on this. I really needed the umbrella 2 to 3 times during the entire monsoon. The 26th of July was not one of those days (when you are knee deep in water, you don't care about your head getting wet). On other days I was glad I was not carrying that unnecessary evidence of my dependence on things with me. I know one thing - My knowledge of whether I need or not need an umbrella is much more profound & rich now that I have experienced the monsoon without the umbrella. It is not in answer in Yes or No. There are many possibilities, situations & requirements that need to be taken into account before deciding on the answer.

So why am I going about this "umbrella" thing over & over again? Hasn't this concept already been abused more than required. I am thinking maybe there is a reason why I am doing what I am doing. When I decided not to buy a new umbrella, I took a risk. At that time I had some vague notions about my need for the umbrella. Had I not lost the umbrella & consequently my temper, I probably would never have taken that risk. Now once I have taken the risk, and experienced the whole of the monsoon through the whole trecherous rainy season, I am much more wiser. I no longer have vague notions. I know. I know because I had experienced. I would never have known had this thing been taught. I never would have really known if someone gave me a complete description of what would happen if I not use the umbrella. The feeling of actual knowledge is liberating. Knowledge gained through experience dwarves all the other knowledge gained by amny other means. The old adage "You learn from your experiences" still holds a lot of water. This adage too was no more than a mere phrase in the memory bank of my brain. I had to go through this experience to realise the importance of this adage & the true meaning of it.

You definitely learn from your experiences

The (Ugly?) Equality

2005-09-26T03:23:00.000-07:00

The first alarm is at 5:30. This one just goes by. I don’t even remember when I switch this one off in my sleepy state. The second one at 6. I generally have some vague recollection of switching this one off with a promise to myself that I will get up in 5 mins & start the exercise. The third “emergency” alarm is at 7. Nowadays I have been getting up to the emergency alarm only. Gone are the days when I used to be up at 5:30 for the morning exercise routine. My day starts off at 7:00 when I lazily get up after PJ, one of my flat mates graciously finishes his morning routine, so the bathroom is free for my use. By 7:30 I’m up & ready for leaving. The office bus (actually buses..we have many buses from near my place) starts off at around 7:45. I then sit back & wait for the ordeal to get over.

Along the route to office, I see all kinds of vehicles:

1. The sub zero – These are the exorbitantly expensive luxury vehicles. The Mercedes C200, Honda Accord, Toyota Camry, Honda CR-V, etc.
2. The super cool – They include the higher end cruise bikes like Avenger, & the mid segment cars like Skoda Octavia, some good SUV’s and cars like Suzuki Swift, Toyota Corolla & Honda City.
3. The cool – A little lower than the mid segment come cars. Cars like Fiat Palio, Hyundai Getz, Santro Xing, Tata Indigo & many of the mid size cars. All other bikes.
4. The normal stuff – All the other privately owned cars. Maruti 800, Alto, Indica etc.
5. The junk – Taxis, buses, Auto-rickshaws, Trucks.

Scenario 1:
"S has a Honda Accord – a big luxury car. And he wants to go out, flaunt it & just drive around with its large powerful engine. Yeah! So he goes out & races away on wide plain highway showing all the other people who bought “lesser cars” their place. And he is not even thinking about the occasional bus that he passes by.
Ravi is in the company bus. The highway is plain, wide & empty. The bus trudges along with all the power it can afford. In spite of this we see the likes of Honda Accord just speeding away leaving the rest of the traffic behind. So if the bus takes 40 mins to cover the 20 km distance, this car takes around 15 mins. Ravi gets a feeling that he is poor."

The above scenario however is not true. The true nature of what actually happens everyday follows.

Scenario 2:
"S has a Honda Accord. He contemplates on using it. It’s been months since he has risked going in the new Accord he has bought. He generally uses his old Ford Ikon. But today he was feeling guilty of not having used the new car. He decides to risk going to office on the Accord. So the big machine gets cleaned up & out it goes. Inside the residential area, the roads are too narrow for him to drive anything beyond 20km/hr. Once he hits the main road, the faint hope he had that he would enjoy the car’s ride dies as he hits the stop & go heavy traffic. The fact that his car is much wider than his other car does not help. He now has to be extra careful not to get it scratched. His lack of practice on this car is one more problem that adds to his woes. He now seriously is contemplating hiring a chauffeur. While he is thinking he looks up beyond his slanted windshield. Just beside him is a bus of some company. Just out of curiosity he looks at one of the windows. A person there is staring right back at him…smiling.
Ravi is traveling in his company bus. He knows that the bus will typically take between 1 hr & 1.5 hrs to reach office. So he decides to have a nice little nap. A sudden brake wakes him up. Just next to the bus is a Honda Accord. This Honda Accord cannot show any of its abilities in this traffic..eh? He looks at the person who is driving this car. Ravi thinks “This guy definitely seems to be in some trouble”. He realizes that driving the big expensive car in this traffic must be a nightmare. He cannot help but feel the sadistic satisfaction of having had some sort of revenge. A smile escapes Ravi’s lips just as S takes notice of him. Ravi later feels bad of having done this – I am really a good person from inside."

The roads in Mumbai are generally good but the corporation has this strange fascination of digging up every road, which they find is full of traffic to create further congestion. The reason given generally - flyover construction. So the roads are nicely dug up & open by the time of the rainy season. The icing on the cake is the rain that comes and converts these dug up roads into muddy wastelands. The width of the road itself keeps changing from 4 lanes to single lane. This means a lot of traffic jams & consequently a lot of waste of time. The most heavily hit of course are the people in cars as they can go only as fast as the vehicle before them. In a traffic jam that would be around 5 km/hr. Everyone goes at this same pace. You could have a car that could easily go 150km/hr, but you simply have to follow that puny looking Auto-rickshaw.

And here lies the equality. Everybody takes the same amount of time to reach his or her destination. There is no difference between the rich & the poor, the car & the auto-rickshaw, the bike & the truck. But in the end everyone looses. Everyone takes more time than they normally would. And this is what I do not like about this whole business. I wouldn’t mind watching an Accord or two passing me by if I reach faster than I already do. I do not want this equality. Let there be wider roads. Let the roads allow each vehicle to show its potential.

Let there be inequality

The beautiful inequality

2005-09-20T01:02:00.000-07:00

In life you cannot have a balance, says Sayesha. People who you have feelings for may not feel as much for you. I cannot agree more. There is no guarantee that can ensure you are loved, cared, missed as much as you love, care & miss. In fact in all my relationships, I have been that person who does not love you as much as you love him. But I know it could be painful for the people on the other side – people who love but are not loved. So is there a solution? Is there a way in which we can make people like me more caring?

I would say that the relations that we give name to in life like brother, sister, cousin, uncle, aunt, husband, wife & nowadays girlfriend, boyfriend are an attempt by society to balance the equation. This way you are bound by society's law to have feelings for the relation as being related over a period of time will lead to some feelings automatically. But these artificial interferences will only help to some extent. No one can force anyone to have feelings. But it is like a compromise than to keep on searching for that perfect match. That search with such a high goal can be frustrating.

Personally I would not like to bind anyone in a relationship with me if that person does not feel for me. I am willing to leave people whom I love for people who love me any day. Why? Well, that is how I am. I do not want people I love to suffer.

The perfect match will be that both of us have equal feelings for each other. I know that is not possible. And somehow, I get the feeling that I don’t want that perfect match. I do not like the idea of judging the level of love we we give and recieve & compare them. This is not a business transaction or a give & take thing. This is life. I think what I will like is that we care for each other. That is enough.

Life is not perfect. Imperfect is beautiful.

The end of sensible serials...

2005-09-19T04:15:00.000-07:00

Relive your memories. Sublime Thoughts has compiled an almost complete list of serials of that good old times before the Saas Bahoo types blew them away.

I want to add & comment on some of these but right now I'm too filled with emotion to make any sense. Get the post here Golden Era

Time Machine

2005-09-13T03:15:00.000-07:00

“A time machine is urgently needed. We need to reverse back time to about 1.5 yrs ago when we were in our second year of our MBA. We need to keep on repeating the second year many times over.” My friend from MBA, A had come to my place for the weekend. He was of the opinion that we did not enjoy the facilities & freedom we had during the two-year stay in institute. So we need to go back & relive those days. Nostalgia!

This makes me remember of the kind of things we used to do in the institute. My hostel there was a sleepy little place, the newest hostel with many empty rooms. It was a place totally disconnected from the more happening atmosphere of the older hostels. So what did we do in our free time?

Computer Games – Yes, we did play a lot of computer games. Starting from one on one child like NFS 2 championships to the more mature Age of empires. Lots of competition among ourselves.

Bakar – This means idle talk among ourselves. Many a nights were spent discussing all sorts of unrelated stuff that could come in our minds. A’s place was the center or adda where we would go & sit when there is nothing else to do.

TT – One friend KD was a very good TT & badminton player. In fact he once defeated the undefeated champion of TT here at one of the insti matches. He was always game for a game or two of TT. The TT table being close to our hostel, it was much more convenient thing to do.

Pool – During the end of first year we got a Pool table in our hostel. And then began the use or rather overuse of the table. Pool is an easy game to play once you get the basics right. There is not much exertion & you can keep on playing till your eyes start hurting. I remember I was once playing for about 6 hrs at a stretch up to 2AM & then again after I got up in the morning. And one more thing - Playing pool is more of a pleasure after one or two drinks. The balls & the ideas are much more clearer. Your game is much more flamboyant. And high confidence levels sometimes drive a much better play. Another thing about this game is that you can play this alone. You do not need anyone to play with. You can be very happy competing with yourself in finding out in how many chances can you clear the table.

Tennis – We started playing Tennis very late ie. in the winter of second year. At that time tennis was a craze around campus & the tennis court was always busy in the evenings. So playing in the evening meant just half to one hour of undisturbed play. The decision then was made of playing in the night. The court thankfully had bright night-lights. So the court would now be witness to 4 odd people playing tennis in the 5°C winter of Lucknow. Its surprising why it did not feel a bit odd at that time.

Badminton – Since the institute had just one badminton court, this was one of those places where we got to interact with people from other hostels.

Movies – Yes of course. How can we forget this. The campus network was filled with all sorts of movies. English & Hindi. So watching movies was another way we spent our time. I might have seen more movies in those two years than all the preceding years combined!

TV – Before the MBA, I used to spend quite a lot of time watching TV. The cartoon channels were my favorite. But TV watching occupied very less proportion during the 2 yrs in MBA.

So this is a list of a few things we did there. To say that we enjoyed a lot will be an understatement. No wonder A wants to go back & do all those things all over again. But this time around, we will not take these things for granted. We will simply cherish those golden moments. If only we had known then how important those times we spent together were….

Isn’t it ironical the way we always believe that the times spent before were better than today? I’m sure I’ll be cherishing my present life a few years from now. The cycle will continue. So carrying this logic further, maybe I should start by enjoying all the experiences I have today to the fullest. If I don’t do so, I will probably regret tomorrow. So with the knowledge that I will be yearning for tomorrow for what I have today, I am going to capture in all those cherished moments of my present life.

The second deluge….?

2005-09-09T02:30:00.000-07:00

I’m freezing inside my office. I go out to have a break from frigging AC. What do I see? Oh my God! Its pouring. Generally it is always raining outside. But this pour is reminiscent of that 26th August pouring.

Is this the second coming? Will Mumbai be able to overcome another spate of flooding?

I cannot predict how nature will behave. But I know one thing. Mumbai is now much better prepared to handle the situation. Every person has vivid memories of what happened on that fateful Tuesday. Each individual now knows what is to be done in such a situation. Not only on an individual level, but also collectively the society now has a widely understood disaster recovery mechanism. Added to this is the world famous Mumbai resilience. There should be no problem.

Lets hope that the Rain-Gods relent. In case they don’t, we are ready.

############

My fears were unfounded after all. We are now safe. This one it seems is not like the Tuesday cloudburst. This is just the normal everyday rain, they say. The Met dept predicts heavy rainfall for the next 24 hrs(since & till when will we keep relying on them?), but nothing like a danger warning.

So we should be just fine.

The Rock Thing

2005-09-06T01:16:00.000-07:00

An engineering college buddy just got married. All of us of the engineering college had pooled in money to get him a wedding gift. Since he is in Mumbai, the responsibility of ensuring he has a gift fell on me. The purchase was to me made on Saturday as he was leaving for his honeymoon on Sunday. The thing he wanted – Camcorder. The location of purchase - CST’s Manish market. He also planned to go to the Independence Rock Concert due to be held at the Gateway of India after the purchase. Now I’m not a huge Rock fan. But since there was nothing better to do, I decided to go along.

Now it so happened that the purchase of the Sony HandyCam took a lot of our time & we were late for the concert. We decided to cancel the Rock program & headed for Café Mondegar (his favourite hangout place). To our surprise we saw many others like us wearing black rock type T-shirts there. They definitely had come for the concert. So what were they doing here? We left it at that & started the beer. It was only the next day that I got to know that the concert was actually cancelled because the police thought that having a rock concert at the Gateway of India would be damaging to the monument. The irony is that the same Gateway of India was host to four other musical concerts supported by the rich & influential. The police somehow have figured out that Rock is evil.

My knowledge of Rock may be limited, but this attitude by the police is deplorable to say the least. I found that after the organizer had got almost all permissions, the event got cancelled just because one person thought that having a rock concert at Gateway of India was not appropriate, this one person being a highly placed police officer. My question is “How can any one person decide what is appropriate?”

Friendships in School Hierarchy

2005-09-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

What are the kinds of friends we make through our lives? What are the friendships that last? What are the kinds of friendships you will remember through your life?

Let me try answering these taking inputs from my own life. Rather than focus on the recent years let me go back at least 10 yrs before & earlier. My school was a pretty strict type of a school - where studies were of utmost importance. The main focus of the school was – ensuring 100% first classes in X board exams. Naturally, the school hierarchy was then formed based on marks.

My School’s Hierarchical structure-

Toppers
The select few. They always get the first rank, the best grades, and the highest marks. They are the super motivated lot. They combine the best qualities of focused working nature & high brainpower. The teacher’s favourites, they make sure they have the most impressive report card.
Desire for marks: High
Marks: High

Followers
Who wouldn’t want to make friends with the 'Toppers'? After all, these are the most appreciated students. Naturally they had many so-called friends (I’m too lazy to put the definition of friends here). The 'Followers' were attracted to the 'Toppers' out of the desire to get better marks to be more respected among peers & elders. They generally had the motivation but somehow were not able to make it to the top.
Desire for marks: Med to High
Marks: Low to Med

Others
Though this category is clubbed into one, they would be the most unique of characters. As we cannot have a category for each individual, we club the unique individuals in one category. These were the people not in the race for marks. At least their orientation towards marks was much less. Now this was the unpredictable lot. They sometimes would ace a particular subject out of nowhere leaving the toppers gaping. Probably they would see something in that particular subject other than marks. At other times they would be out of the race.
Desire for marks: Low
Marks: Variable

Now I would most definitely be in the 'Others'. However more important is the breed of friends I made.

The ‘Toppers’ were always surrounded by their own share of ‘Followers’. They were too much involved with studies & their ‘Followers’ to spend time on other things. Their motivation for forming friendships was study & study related stuff. Naturally forming friendships with ‘Others’ was not possible.

The ‘Followers’, like the ‘Toppers’ were too involved in study related stuff to form friendship with the ‘Others’. Some of them would try coming close to an ‘Other’ when that guy would suddenly score exceptionally high. But since ‘Others’ did not get their kick out of scoring high marks, they did not get much help from the ‘Other’. So most of the time the ‘Followers’ would be with the ‘Toppers’.

Now this leaves the ‘Others’ to form friendships among themselves. They were like the sideyed people out of the ‘In’ group. They had their own individual preferences & didn’t care much about what others thought was important. Thus while the Toppers had a big list of ‘friends’, the ‘Others’ generally went around with a few only.

Being an ‘Other’, I too had very few close friends in my life. These were not all people with high marks. These were not all people with low marks. Marks was not the criteria. In fact there was no criteria. I did not consciously make friends. Friends just happened. If I felt good being with someone, that was my friend. There is one person named JS who used to stammer, got low marks & had bad handwriting. He was my very good friend for a long time. I don’t know what benefit he got out of me or what I got out of him. Two years ago I got to know that he had passed away. It was sad but I know he will be with all my life. When I look back, I can recall each & every friendship I’ve had. Yes each & every friendship. I suspect its because my making friendships was not dependent on my mind that evaluates the benefits & losses I will have out of any engagement. This is one area where I do not apply my mind.

PS: There is a rumour my mother keeps propagating that I got the first rank in UKG, 1st, 2nd & 3rd standards. Don’t believe her.

My Racing Incident

2005-08-26T04:08:00.000-07:00

A winding road about 20 km long - Flanked by Sea on one side, hills on the other - A lonely car speeding along. For NFS (a car racing game) lovers, this will be a dream come true. That is Vizag’s Beach Road for you. My childhood was filled with drives along this beach road. We had the most rickety yet trusted of cars – The Ambassador, at that time. But the fun was never missing.

A few snaps of the place...see the road between the sea & the hills..

turning towards right...

Anyway the point of the post was to share an experience. So we now have a Palio Petrol. It’s a great car! Esp. for unfortunate souls like us the transition from Amby to Palio was overwhelming. Before I continue further, let me tell you that I have no racing experience, apart from the hundreds of hours spent on NFS 2, NFS 3, NFS 5 & NFS 7.

So here I was cruising along the beach road listening to Rabbi Shergills “Gill Te Guitar” when a slow moving Tata Indica in front of me catches my attention. “OK lets overtake him”, I think. That was not to be so easy! The moment I try, a Hyundai Santro coming from opposite direction appears in front from the hidden turn quite ahead. The overtaking still would not have been a problem, if this Indica guy had not increased his speed. I looked at him – the guy had a satisfied smile on his face. To be safe, I braked hard & fell back. The annoying smirk of the Indica guy was still in my mind. And he was still in front of me driving as slow as ever. This guy derived pleasure by driving slow & not allowing others to go ahead. Overtaking him was a problem has the road was narrow & full of turns*.

I could not control the emotions. My blood was boiling. I decided to teach this fool a lesson. Now I know the beach road very well – aakhir hum yahi to palle badhe hain. I know the straight patch of road that will come about 500 mts ahead will be the ideal place to overtake. I know that the acceleration of his Diesel Indica will be no match for my Petrol Palio. I try some more half hearted, fake attempts to overtake, giving this guy the smugness that he is actually very good at this. By this time my straight patch of road is here. Luckily there wasn’t anyone coming from the opposite direction. Now I let the 2nd gear of my Palio do the talking. Our heads bang back to the seats & off we go. He tries speeding; he tries cutting me out by suddenly moving towards right. But by that time we’ve already crossed him. Satisfaction! And I feel like I’m playing NFS 5.

And check this snap we took in the same trip…Feels like NFS 7 doesn’t it.

PS: sorry for the bad quality snaps. its the best my poor camera phone could do..

* On narrow hill roads, overtaking should be done only when the road is straight as any car coming from opposite direction would not be visible when the road is winding.

The long journey back to work....

2005-08-22T23:40:00.000-07:00

Vizag is not a popular place with transportation service providers. There are rarely any flights to Vizag. There is only one direct train between Vizag & Mumbai. The flight between Vizag to Mumbai costs as much as 9K while flights with sub 1K fares operate between Delhi & Mumbai. Net result- I come back by train & do not have reserved ticket even though the booking was made more than one month earlier. So RAC is the way to go. This means I have to share a single berth with another person. The train was filled with people like me going back to work after their enjoying their time at home.

The train was naturally overcrowded. There was one marriage party that had decided to load their entire luggage in our bogie in spite of having reservations in the whole train. There were at least two people taking their whole computers (including monitor) with them. People were fighting over place for luggage. So the confusion was immense. Added to this was my situation of not having a reserved ticket.

It’s surprising how people behave in crisis. I was surprised too at how people around me & I myself behaved in this situation. There was somehow a general feeling of camaraderie & helpfulness all around the place. The luggage of the marriage party soon trickled away in the various locations of the train. Some of the RAC got allocated to confirmed berths. Even the luggage fights were resolved & the fighting parties became cordial to each other. Everything got resolved in its own time.

The people I met were mostly bachelors returning to Mumbai from a visit back home in Vizag. The first person I met was working in an IT company in Pune doing mainframe projects in financial domain. The details of my talk with him will be too long to post here but involved topics like work, life in general, real estate, girls, bikes, roads – some boring stuff, some interesting. Another guy (my seatmate) was also in an IT company but was working on embedded systems. For those who are not into IT, these are the people who make software that control stuff like lifts, modern automobiles, audio-video systems & all such things not related to ‘normal’ computers. This particular person was working on next generation heavy diesel engines. My general interest in automobiles made this discussion very interesting. I can go on & on about this discussion but again it will become very long & boring. There was an elderly couple, two other persons who also looked like they were going back to work. By this time I was feeling too sleepy …so it was sleep time.

In the morning I had some time on my own by the window. Whenever I go on a train journey – I never miss this part. I always make it a point to spend some time alone by the window or if that is not possible by the open door. This is a habit from my childhood days. This way I get to know that a major portion India is still occupied by farms & forests. It’s a refreshing change from stifling atmosphere of the city. I let the wind blow on me. And every now & then, I go wash my hands & face, & without drying them go back & let it dry naturally by the wind. It’s so refreshing. You have to try it sometime.

By this time the TC came & allocated a complete berth to me in a different location. I didn’t want to leave this place & the people I’d met. The new place looked more comfortable but was less hospitable. I signals I got from people there were – “You are an intruder in our place” “You mind your own business” “Don’t try to make me talk to you”. This was more like the regular experience I have on the train in a more normal setting. I suspect this is because of my looks. I am a fairly tall guy & look North Indian even though I’ve lived most of my lives in South India. But times are changing now. With the merging of various cultures, I am not so unique anymore. People have much lesser inhibitions talking to me now. The the niche quality that I had earlier is soon getting lost. I don’t know if this is a good thing or not.

This post has become way too big & has totally digressed from the original track. It is time to end now.

What is love to me?

2005-08-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

Music: Jal - Ik Din Ayega, Jal - Bikhra Hoon Main, Strings - Na Jaane Kyon

I am a very lucky person. I am loved.

Mummy: Mothers.......I don't know what makes them so caring, so forgiving of our mistakes, so much devoted to making us happy.... I simply cannot figure this thing out. Being the male of the species, I guess I will never be able to. Can anyone ever love me as much as this woman? Everything she does, everytime she talks, everytime she looks at me, everytime she calls me "ganda baccha", the love shows....rather it overflows. It seems like all the love in the world has been filled in her small frame of 5'3".

Papa: In total contrast to Mummy, Papa rarely shows what he feels inside. As cool as he can be, it may look like he doesn't care about me. His love is a more reserved one. It is locked up somewhere deep inside when he is talking to me. But just listen him talk to any of his friends about me - the pride!! Whatever little or more I've achieved in life, Papa is proud of it. His love also manifests in the form of things he does for me. These are things that any father would do, wouldn't he? Aren't these the duty of parents? To raise their kids & make them able. Yes...& on the face of it, even he believes he does them as a duty. But no.....that is not what drives those actions. These are not mechanical actions. Anything he does for me looks like something motivated by a force much stronger - an emotion. So why does he not show the love directly? Whatever it is, I will find out when I am a father.

Sis: Oh this girl. I can't start writing about her.

Stage 1 - Oh Mummy has a baby. I have a new play thing.

Stage 2 - The great battles are on. From the chocolate to the TV remote. We are fighting it out for everything.

Stage 3 - Sis: "My brother is the best" Me: "Uhh!"

Stage 4 - Sis: "My brother is the best" Me: "OK, She really does love me"

Stage 5 - Sis: "My brother is the best" Me: "Hey, Say something else"

I could never judge the level of love this girl has for me. I never experienced the full throttled show of emotion from her. Her actions are always subdued, knowing that I may get annoyed if she shows her total love. But the question here is - What is the root of all this love? It is understandable about my parents (God has created them like that, so that they take care of me), but why my Sis? Its not as if I have been a little less relentless during the battle years, neither have I gone ahead to show my love anytime I felt like it. What have I done to deserve this love?....... nothing.....maybe thats the key......isn't it?.....isn't that unconditional love......maybe I'm being too idelistic about all this.....maybe not.

Myself: A phrase that could most aptly describe the kind of person I feel I am - "Emotionally subdued". I love less, I hate less, I fear less, I like less - it is as if all my emotions are weak & feeble. Do I love my family? I think I do. Do I know for sure it is love that I feel for them? I'm not sure.

So what do I feel when I experience all this love that I am being showered with. I feel I am a bad person.....the guilty feeling of not being able to reciprocate their love envelops me. And there is nothing I can do about it. Because how much ever I try, my pathetic attempts can never match the grand, large hearted unconditional love I recieve....

And what about the question we began with....What is love to me?

The answer to this question remains unanswered....

Bye Bye Mumbai... only for a while

2005-08-12T00:47:00.000-07:00

I am going to Vizag for the next week……………yahoooo!!

A busy schedule awaits me there. Marriages of two engg college friends, Rakhi, my sisters birthday. Because of the extended weekend, courtesy our beloved independence day, many of my long lost friends have also taken leaves & will be there. I only hope we can relive the old days & not delve on mature (bade logo ki baatein) things like jobs, weddings etc.

I really do miss the long hours spent on the beach. I’m not saying that Mumbai’s beaches are in any way inferior. But being in Mumbai, where is the time? Its either work or party or shopping. Traveling is another aspect of the Mumbai life that takes up most of the useful time anyway. While it takes about half an hour to to any place of importance in Vizag, in Mumbai it will take at least 2 hrs.

Ok got to go now… otherwise will miss the train….

Of Sound & Bites

2005-08-05T01:11:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of flies. These are the ordinary houseflies. They are there everywhere you go. In the office bus, in the canteen, in the office itself. How much ever do the poor cleaning guys try, these irritating creatures always find a way inside. After the recent spate of heavy rains, while the flies have reduced, the mosquito population has suddenly mushroomed.

These insects have brought back memories of those golden years spent in Lucknow. The place where I used to live is as close to nature as can be. I used to live in Hostel 12, which resides in one corner of the institute. There is no building of any consequence beyond my hostel. My balcony used to overlook this huge grassland that extended up to the horizon. Being natural habitat for all sorts of insects, the grasslands used to be home to many wild & exotic specimens. No flies & mosquitoes though. This place was home to more rarer species. Insects came in all shapes and sizes. Of course to really get to know the variety of these insects one had to venture in the grasslands. However, few of them did venture into the protected confines of our hostel. Two of these insects will find special mention here owing to the highest pain quotient among all the insects.

Jhingur: This fellow is a ordinary looking bug. Its like a cockroach with only one colour- Muddy brown. These guys are most inconspicuous of creatures…..wait....only when they are quite. Ohhh but when they sing!!! God only can help you then. The shrill sound of a Jhingur is that sound that you generally hear in those rainy nights outside your home. Imagine two or more of these right inside your room. What a celebration would that be? Once this guy starts its sound, then you are completely helpless like mumbaikars were on that tuesday. The strange part is that no matter how hard you try, you cannot locate the source of sound. This particular sound comes from all parts of the room. A natural THREEDEE surround sound effect much better than any of those super customized Bose speaker systems you would ever hear. So what do you think is the solution from this nagging head curdling sound. Nothing! As they say, when you can’t beat them, run from them(OK I changed it a bit). So all I did was escape out, do something else. Do anything but stay inside there.

Unnamed Ant like insect: Lets call this insect Antike (combination of Ant & Like). Now, antike must be some wild form of our regular domesticated city ant. This is a bit long and more colourful. I suspect this fellow also has flying abilities though they would be limited. So what would you think is so painful about this specimen? Yeah, you guessed it right – it’s the sting. When an antike decides to sting, it just doesn’t sting once, but as many times as it can. Generally the stings go along a path- the second sting near the first, the third near the second and so on. Another peculiar thing about the sting is that somehow you do not detect the sting immediately. The pain starts only sometime after antike has finished its job & made a safe retreat. By the time you realize, your skin starts swelling. The swelling of course lasts for a week or two depending on the intensity of the sting.

So here were the two most pain giving & consequently most memorable insects from my stay in Lucknow. The antike was the most prolific among the stingers. The jhingur however wins hands down. After all if an insect can throw you out of your own room, it must be something staggering.

Back with a flood

2005-08-04T04:41:00.000-07:00

I had to do this. I had to stop blogging for a some days. There is nothing new in life. No account to describe, no ideas in my mind. Added to this I have become really busy these days. And I don’t want my blog just to be an account of my daily routine, which has become super monotonous. I operate like a machine operating with micro second accuracy. But all that is a different story.

Like everyone in Mumbai, I too have a tale to tell about that incredible flood. After all the exciting stories you would have heard or read, this is nothing spectacular. So let me be short.

It all started at 4:00 pm on that fateful Tuesday – 26.07.05. The office buses were to leave early – thought I’d get home soon. That was not to be. After waiting for more than 2 hrs in the super downpour & running frantically in almost waist high water (new shoes – destroyed, old Motorola – alive), I had to return back to office. The realization that this was ‘something big’ came rudely quick. I prepared to camp here for the night. Thankfully the canteen people were helpful & gave us some much-needed Dal Rice. You cannot imagine how well it tasted. I slept at my desk for the night. We left in the morning by one of the company buses. I saw some places filled with water but again nothing spectacular. Got home, slept a lot & went back to office the next day. Everything was back to normal from then on.

What is your goal?

2005-07-07T05:10:00.000-07:00

OK lets get straight here. What do people want to do? What do they want to achieve?

I want to go outside India man. Life there is so cool. Beautiful girls, fast cars, lifestyle!! Life in India sucks. In the west, people give you all the personal space you want. India is too crowded.

I want to come back home. I feel lonely here. I am so excited I am finally coming back to India.

B-School: My final goal is heading a multi million dollar organization.

Engineering College: I want to get admission into IIMA

School: I want to get into IIT

Me says: I want to be happy!!!
Response: Whaaat? That is no goal man. Your goal should be specific. It cannot as generic as this. You cannot achieve happiness by trying to be happy. You have to earn it. You have to work hard (read. seriously), to achieve your goal. That’s the only way to live.

Why is that? What would you gain by getting into IIT, IIM, going outside India or other such things you plan to do? Aren’t these all a means to an end? The end being happiness. Everyday we hear people setting goals, achieving some of them & then chasing other goals. How much time do they spend savoring the happiness of having achieved that goal. I am no exception. I had set some goals in life too. To what end? I did enjoy the achivement of those goals. But for a very short while. As soon as you get what you aim for, your mind automatically shifts its attention. People who would have ever fed a dog would know. Say you have a roti in your hand & you are feeding it in pieces. The dog would not start eating until all the pieces have been dropped. It is not satisfied with what its got. It’s the same with us humans. We are never satisfied with what we’ve got. We strive to get more. Maybe that drives innovations and all the improvements in place today. But in this whole process aren’t we forgetting to hold back a little and be happy.

Here I’m not saying that you forget everything & have no desires. Although this maybe good for some. But I guess I and most of the people cannot reach that level of consciousness. So what to do?

Enjoy every moment of your life!!!

This must be one of the toppers in the “Most clichéd statements Hall of Fame”. It definitely looks easy. But I look around and all I find is unsatisfied people having all the excuses to be not happy. “Life sucks” “I don’t deserve this” “My job is totally screwed up” Now I am new to the blogging world. But majority of the blogs too seem to be about cribs in life. They generate a lot of comments too. These are other cribbers sharing the same line of thought.

Maybe we should all keep reminding ourselves of the ultimate goal always. “Happiness”. But we seem to always lay one step below the ultimate goal. “Let me achieve this one last goal & I will be happy forever” is the rant all through life. We feel that happiness is that elusive goal which has to be achieved by years of toil & hard work. We don’t possibly realize that happiness is all around us. You just have to change your point of view.

Do you really need an umbrella ..?

2005-07-05T22:34:00.000-07:00

OK, I’m back in Mumbai. What can I say. I couldn’t convince myself against indulging in yet another update on rains. After all, the whole of my last week was a celebration of this unique phenomena called Monsoon. As you enter Lonavala, the first thing that strikes you is the amount of moisture in the atmosphere. Now I am not new to places with high moisture content. But Lonavala is on a whole new level. This could be because of the rains there. The rains never stop. Its rains on an average for about 22 hrs in a day. There are small 5 min respites every half an hour or so when people can move from one shelter to other. Its possibly also the time when the rain gods take rest. In spite of all this, I had a great time. I spent hours just sitting & watching all this amazing volume of water fall down from the sky. I got drenched many times. The difference between Mumbai & Lonavala was that I did not have to travel on muddy roads for hours in Lonavala which I do everyday here for coming to office. It was also because I was living in the luxury of a resort.

I have lost my umbrella & I will not be buying a new one. I feel the umbrella gives you protection but it also takes away your freedom. I have to carry it everywhere I go, and it is of use only when I am outside & its raining. Losing the umbrella really gave me an opportunity to enjoy the rains. This also helped me in realise that this is not such an essential requirement – even in the heavy downpour of Lonavala. In fact, if it rains heavily an umbrella is anyway useless. I have decided to take on life as it comes & not worry too much about the rain. But what do I see here? The rains have gone. For the last two days it has hardly rained for an hour or so in Mumbai. I also hope the rains subside in flood affected places too, so that rescue operations can continue.

Mumbai Monsoon

2005-06-24T05:04:00.001-07:00

Rains in Mumbai are relentless. If it rains, there is an incessant shower of water for days. Back home in Vizag, it rains but not continuously for so long. The most frustrating thing here is that all this water has nowhere to go. So it stays on the roads. Now in Mumbai the roads are generally good but the Mumbai Corporation has this strange facination of digging up every road which they find is full of traffic, to create further congestion. The reason given generally - flyover construction. So the roads are nicely dug up, open & vulnerable by the time of the rainy season. The rains then attack & convert these dug up roads into muddy wastelands.

There have been some developments due to which I will not be updating for the next week.

I'm off to a company sponsored training in Lonavala. It is a hill station located between Mumbai & Pune. Though it is a beautiful place, the monsoon is not the time to be visiting that place. The place experiences heavy rainfall at this time. Thank god the place in which we will be staying looks comfortable- Avion Hotel, Lonavala.

I intend to get as much as possible from this training. haa... as if MBA was not enough. On a serious note, it is good that we are having this trip. Staying in Mumbai, the long tiring journey from home to office & back home in these rains is very frustrating. I waste 3 to 4 hrs of my day in travelling. Hope the Lonavala trip will bring some respite & save me from one week of the Mumbai monsoon.

There's no beginning......There'll be no end........

2005-06-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

So I started my own blog. I guess my first posting has to justify why I intend to blog. There should be a purpose behind it. I started this blog because I cannot talk. …OK I can talk but not about things which I will be expressing here. The truth is that my lifestyle nowadays is such that I rarely get an opportunity to interact with people on a personal basis. However on the net I have a whole community to share my thoughts with. Added to this is the fact that I have a poor long-term memory. I don’t remember things that happened in school, & I remember some faint details of my engineering college days. So I feel I need to keep a record of my thoughts so that five years from now I can read my blog & reflect on my life………wow…I have suddenly become so serious.

Now that I have started blogging, there is more serious/boring stuff coming your way. Future posts will include- More about myself, Purpose of religion, Cars I love, What is Love, Movie reviews, Sex, Romance, Drama, Action, Suspense – all the elements that are required to make a blog a super hit. OK – I was just kidding. I got carried away a bit there. The truth is that I have not made any plans of my future posts. Am not even sure I will be able to continue posting. There is a rough plan though. Let us see how things turn out.